


Come What May

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Gaping, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bottom Jared, Character Death, Dancing and Singing, Discussed Past Bottom Jensen, Drinking, Fluff, Implied Jensen/Clients, M/M, Minor Violence, Past Relationship(s), Prostitute Jensen, Rimming, Size Kink, Smut, Swearing, Terminal Illnesses, Top Jensen, Virgin Jared, Writer Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-11 10:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: San Francisco, mid-2000’s. Jared is fresh off the bus, a wild-eyed dreamer from Texas searching for fame and romance. He gets into a friendship with the eccentric Misha and his gang of aspiring theatre folks, allowing them to introduce him into the seedy underbelly of the performance world. Along the way, Jared falls madly in love with the star of the failing Castro theatre, Jensen. But there’s another man out for Jensen’s affections - the rich, powerful, and sadistic Jeffrey. Based as an AU of the 2001 film Moulin Rouge!, Jared and Jensen’s story is the greatest love story ever told -- and the greatest tragedy of this modern era.





	1. It All Started

**Author's Note:**

> Artwork done by the amazing [ quickreaver](http://quickreaver.livejournal.com/) on LJ.

__

_The Castro Theatre. Nightclub, whorehouse, a place of nightmares and dreams. The reigning king was one Mark Sheppard, caring but firm. The Castro was a place where the rich could play with the dirty boys and girls of the underworld, and share their secrets and darkest desires without shame. The beautiful creatures that worked in this place paled in comparison to the man I loved. Jensen. A prostitute in the gruffest of terms – he sold love and physical pleasure to the highest bidder with no bias. Money was the language he spoke. He was called the Shining Emerald and he was the star of The Castro Theatre._

_I should start at the beginning. My name is Jared Padalecki, and I am nothing more than a simple writer. See, I came to San Francisco one year ago. I ran here – eager to escape the oppressive thumb of my father and the people in Texas. They didn’t understand who I was, or what I wanted. I knew nothing of The Castro Theatre, Mark Sheppard, or the handsome Jensen. I simply wanted to be immersed in the beauty of the New Revolution. Modeled after the Bohemians in Paris so long ago, a group of revolutionary thinkers decided that modern day San Francisco needed to change. And I agreed._

_So, I packed up my bag on my eighteenth birthday, obtained a fake ID that proclaimed I was twenty-one, and took the first Greyhound to California. My father had told me over and over that this was a city of sin. I would be unable to resist my dirty physical desires and I would be tossed into the deepest pits of Hell._

_But that was not at all what I saw when I departed that smelly Greyhound bus onto the bustling streets of San Francisco. This was the center of the New Revolution. I knew I was going to be penniless and miserable but that was okay. I wanted nothing more than to write tales of freedom and beauty and – what I believed in above all else – love._

_My father never understood my need for love. He called it a ridiculous obsession – and his criticism only worsened when he learned of my sexuality. But it didn’t matter. I knew what I wanted and I would succeed!_

_But there was one problem that I hadn’t anticipated the first day I sat down to begin my writing in that dirty one room apartment across the street from the bustling Castro Theatre._

_I had never been in love._

***

Jared looked up from his blank paper, scowling. How was he supposed to write about something he’d never experienced? Never anticipated experiencing in his life – though he loved love, the reality was that he was not the type of man one would fall in love with.

A loud creaking sound drew his attention, and then a crash. Before Jared had registered what was going on, a thin man with curly grey and brown hair fell through his ceiling, suspended in the air – through the hole – by a rope wrapped around one foot. At first glance, Jared worried the man was dead, but he gave a chainsaw-like snore, signaling his life.

Jared’s front door burst open and a man with a mat of crazy black hair and shining blue eyes rushed in.

“Oh! So sorry, I didn’t realize this apartment was rented. How do you do? My name is Misha Dimitri Tippens Krushnic Collins. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He gestured widely with the walking stick in his hand.

“Uh—What?” Was all Jared could think to say.

Misha walked over to the unconscious man and poked him in the chest with the stick. “Hey, wake up!” He turned his attention back to Jared.

“I’m so terribly sorry about all of this. We were just upstairs, rehearsing a play. The floors in these apartments – terribly unstable.” He beat on the wooden floor with the stick.

“What?” Jared asked again.

“A play! You know, those things that are fading from the very existence of humanity with all these videos and DVD’s and movie theatres. It’s a very modern play! We’re calling it _Fabulously Spectacular._ I suppose not so modern. Reverse modern. Bohemian really. And we’re setting it in Switzerland. A city of love,” He rested his chin on his hands, widening his eyes and blinking rapidly at Jared.

“Uh—Oh?” Jared glanced between the door and the strange man, wondering how quickly he could make his escape.

“Our lead actor here,” Misha poked the unconscious man again, “Suffers from narcolepsy. Surely you’ve heard of it? One minute he’s fine and then the next—“ He snored loudly, making Jared jump. “Unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. Very inconvenient.”

“How is he?” Jared looked up through the hole in his ceiling. Three men of varying ages were poking their heads down, staring at Misha.

“Wonderful,” One of the men said. He was very large, with short dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. “Now that Robbie is unconscious I won’t be able to finish the scenario in time to make our appointment with Mark tomorrow.”

“He’s right, Misha,” A shorter, chubbier man with wavy brown hair said. “I still have to finish the music.”

Misha beamed and waved his hand at the men. “Just find someone to read the part!”

The larger man spoke again, “Sure. Where can we find someone to read the part of a young, sweet poet with an affinity for animals?”

Misha pursed his lips, his gaze landing on Jared, who was still considering making a break for it – perhaps the window would be a better option. “You.”

“Me? What?”

“You are perfect to read the part. You’re young, you’re very clearly a writer, and I bet you can pretend you like animals.”

“I—I love dogs?” Jared stuttered.

“See? Perfect. Come, come.” Misha grabbed Jared’s elbow and nearly dragged him out of the apartment.

On the next floor, the blonde man – who Jared learned was named Tahmoh and was the writer of _Fabulously Spectacular_ and the shorter man – who was named Richard, helped Misha patch the hole on the floor with plywood.

They stuffed Jared into a terrible outfit that barely fit his large frame: brown overalls of the itchiest corduroy known to man, and a black fedora, and pushed him onto a rickety wooden A-frame ladder in the middle of the empty apartment – save for a dirty bed in the corner and a piano that looked about ready to fall apart. Richard passed him a coffee stained, handwritten stack of papers. Lines, he supposed. Of course, the arguing between the group members began before they managed to speak even a paragraph of the dialogue.

Jared surveyed the group, wincing as Misha attempted to sing, _“Running forward with the runaway child that’s male—“_

“Oh stop it, you fool! That off-key buzzing is suffocating my muse,” Tahmoh whined, throwing a pen at Misha’s head. He looked to Richard, “Can’t we just have some piano? Do they _need_ to sing?”

“Well, now, what if he sings ‘stepping forward, the lost child, it’ll all be okay’?”

“No, the boy that is lost—“

From the bed off to the side of the room, Robbie jumped up, stumbling a little. “Continue on, you foregone child of mine, you will sleep at the end.”

All eyes in the room turned to him, silence overtaking them for the first time since they’d begun. “No,” The older, bearded man – who Jared later learned was named Jim – said. Robbie shrugged and fell backwards onto the bed, snoring once more.

Jared scowled a little as the cacophony began again. Something was coming to him, maybe, “Carry on—“

“Yes we are, Jared,” Misha said, waving his stick at Jared.

“The child is sleeping?” Jim offered.

“This is ridiculous, you idiots,” Richard muttered, tapping out the melody on the piano. Jared waved his hands, trying desperately to get the attention of the men below him. When they continued to ignore him, he sucked in a deep breath of air.

_“Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done!”_

The room fell silent, all eyes on Jared. His cheeks reddened as he dropped his gaze, afraid of being shunned or worse. Robbie rose quickly, stumbling toward Jared. “Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done. I _love_ it!”

The group began to sing the verse, shouting and laughing as they did.

“It fits perfectly!” Richard commented, bouncing a little with the excitement of it all.

Jared pointed to him and continued, “ _Lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more.”_

The group roared even louder and Misha clapped, swinging his stick around and pointing at Tahmoh. “He’s amazing. You and Jared should write the show together!”

Tahmoh blinked at Misha a few times before tossing down his pen. “Excuse me?”

“It would be amazing, you know – his songs and your words, we could have the best show in California,” Richard said.

“I _love_ him,” Robbie said, slapping Jared’s ass hard enough that the stumbled a step or two down the ladder.

Tahmoh puffed his chest out, a red hue climbing from the vee of his shirt and up until it disappeared into his hairline. “You ungrateful— _Ingrates_!” He spat. He grabbed his jacket and stormed out, screaming a ‘Goodbye’ as he slammed the door.

Misha cocked his head to the side, staring at the door for a moment. The group went silent, waiting for his response. Leaning on the walking stick, he went over to a small table behind the piano and poured a glass of whiskey, then raised it up toward Jared.

“Here’s to your first job in San Francisco.” He tossed back the shot, ignoring Jared’s shocked expression.

Richard stood from the piano and leaned over it. “Misha, buddy, Sheppard won’t agree to this. I mean, no offense, Jared, but have you ever written anything like this before?” He turned to Jared, who shook his head.

“No, I’ve never actually _written_ before.”

“I don’t care,” Robbie said, patting Jared’s crotch. “I like him.”

“Uh—“ Robbie looked up and yanked his hand away from where it was cupping Jared’s dick.

“I mean his talent. He is a perfect student for the revolution. I think we keep him.”

The group huddled together, ignoring Jared, who’d begun to slowly descend the rickety ladder.

“See, Rich – Jared can write. He can sing. He’s good. He can give us the play that will kickstart the New Revolution.”

“But Sheppard. You _know_ how he is.”

“I have a plan though. Jensen.”

“Do you really think that will work?” Jim asked. “I mean Jared’s not exactly Jensen’s type.”

“He will be after I’m finished with him,” Misha assured them, standing up. The turned on Jared and grabbed him, dragging him into the bathroom.

***

_Misha’s group was overwhelming. They insisted on fixing me up, determined to make me worthy of Jensen’s affections. Despite all of the tweaks and changes they made, and how much I longed for this big break – my father was in my head, a black cloud, weighing on me like a ball and chain:_

‘You’ll waste your life at the Castro Theatre with some stripper!’

_They pulled me around and shoved me in front of a full-length mirror. I really was a changed man. No longer was my hair messy and untamed, it was pulled back neatly, trimmed to frame my face. The clothes they’d put me in fit perfectly – I’m still wondering how they found some that were my size. I barely recognized the man in my reflection, save for that terrified look in my eye that I don’t think had faded since Robbie crashed into my apartment._

_Though it had been just a few hours – it felt like a lifetime ago. This was all moving much too fast._

***

“I can’t do this!” Jared cried, pushing his way out of the group as Misha held up a shotglass full of lime green liquor.

He rushed toward the hole they’d previously patched, pushing the two by fours out of the way and trying to crawl down into his apartment. The group followed, and Misha grabbed his wrist.

“Why not?”

“I—I don’t even know if I am a true student of the revolution!” Jared cried, his cheeks burning under the attention of the four men.

“What?” Misha asked, his expression a mix of appall and shock.

“Do you believe in beauty?” He implored.

“Yes,” Jared reluctantly agreed.

“Freedom?” Robbie questioned.

“Yes.”

“Truth?” Richard asked.

“Of course.”

“Love?” Jim asked.

Jared looked over at him, his expression immediately softening.

“Love? Of course I believe in love. Love is—Love is vital, it makes life worthwhile, it’s home. All you need is love!” He cried.

Misha laughed, dragging him back out of the hole with the others’ help. “See? You can’t fool us, Jared! You are our voice.”

They rose and Misha passed him the shot glass, grabbing another of his own. “Let’s toast to the new writer of San Francisco’s first new revolutionary show!”

They all tossed back their glasses, staring expectantly at Jared. He swallowed hard, staring at the liquid. He’d never had a drink of liquor in his life – but what was living if not this? Steeling himself, he tipped the glass of absinthe down his throat.


	2. The Castro Theatre

The Castro Theatre. From the outside, it didn’t look like much, just an average film theatre. Brickwork and bright lights. The neon sign was blinking when the group approached it, giving the brick exterior a dull red glow. The signage on the building was yellowed, proclaiming:

‘COME MEET THE 1 AN ONLY SH1N1NG EN1ERALD AND DANCE!’

Jared would have been lying if he wasn’t anxious as hell as they blended with the crowd of well-dressed men and women filtering into the theater’s entrance. The amount of absinthe and other alcohol in his system dulled the feeling – no worries about a full-blown anxiety attack – but it was still there. He nudged Misha’s elbow.

_ “Lady Red Light, rock me tonight. Baby’s got a way to make it, a-aall—right.”  _ He sang, and the group cracked up, shoving him through the doors to his destiny.

The inner hallway was no more splendid. Peeling scarlet paint that was reminiscent of dried blood and a dirty red carpet, worn to show the concrete underneath in areas. Off to the left was a closed door, taped shut with a crooked ‘No Entry’ sign: the broken down theatre hall itself. To the right, the doors were thrown open as men and women crowded into them. The ballroom. The heart of the Castro, thumping with bass music and the weight of hundreds of people dancing, swaying, and grinding.

As Jared and the others entered, they were pushed to the side. A new song began and a group of men and women, all scantily clad in shining short shorts or bikinis that looked ready to fall off, filed to the center of the room.

Amidst the whooping and catcalling, Jared caught bits of the song:

_ I’ll chew you up and spit you out, cause that’s what young love is all about… _

The dancers crowded to one side of the room, concealing a door. They separated, each in sync with the dancer next to them. A tall, round man in a suit emerged from the door, raising his hands. A cheer rose from the crowd as he did. Mark Sheppard. Owner of the Castro.

Taking one girl and one boy on each arm, Sheppard moved forward, his steps finding a beat with the song easily. He began to sing, his voice rising above the calls and shouts of the crowd.

_ “If life’s an awful bore,” _

The singers joined in, singing the song echoing through the hall’s speakers,  _ “I’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart.” _

_ “And living’s just a chore that we do,”  _ Sheppard sang, wrapping his arms around a beautiful blonde in a gold bikini. He dipped her low as the others sang before continuing,  _ “Cause death’s not so much fun, I have just the antidote – and though I mustn’t gloat, here at the Castro you’ll have fun!” _

He swung away from the dancers as they began an elaborate choreography, glitter sparkling off the bright overhead lights and blinding anyone that dared look too close. They sang to the song, flipping and dipping one another.

Sheppard took the front of the group, pointing to various men and women in the crowd as he sang – a loud melody blended with the other lyrics. As he pointed, various dancers split from the main group, grabbing the people he pointed at and dragging them onto the dance floor.

Almost too quick for anyone to notice, Sheppard bounded a set of stairs to the upper balcony, ducking behind a curtain. He threw it open to reveal another set of dancers, men of varying ages in shining silver and green corsets. They danced forward, surrounding him.

_ “Got some dark desire? Love to play with fire? Why not let it rip – and live a little bit?” _ He sang as the men grabbed ropes hanging from the ceiling. The swung down, not fearing the dancers under their feet, and landed on an empty part of the floor. They danced forward, meeting with the others on the dance floor and pulling even more crowd members into the group.

_ I’m gonna be your bubblegum bitch! _

Jared found himself dragged along by Misha into an elaborate dance. Stumbling a bit, he found the rhythm, his senses full to the brim.

_ Some believe in love at first sight… But this is just lust on the first night. _

Everywhere he looked he could see the glint of a dancer’s outfit or a couple dancing in a way that was downright pornographic. To his left, two of the dancers, a small Asian man and a tall Italian woman, were dancing with a snake, its long body curled between them. To his right, one of the male dancers was grinding against a member of the audience, his toned and oiled body glistening off the lights nearly as much as his outfit.

_ Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss. _

Sheppard’s voice rose above the noise again. He was amongst in the crowd now, spinning a rainbow umbrella bedazzled with sequins and glitter.  _ “Outside it might be raining, but in here it’s entertaining! The Castro is the place to be!” _

A shout raised from the crowd, startling Jared a little. It was all was so bright and loud and just  _ overwhelming _ . Despite everything, Jared found himself getting into it. These dances he knew – or at least could figure out – and the beauty was amazing. Men and women crowding around him and his new friends, smiling and laughing – everything was  _ happy _ here.

Without thinking, Jared tipped his head back and began to sing,  _ “Wanna feel your teeth on my neck!” _

The people around him cheered, joining in with their own voices. He grabbed one of the dancers – the pretty Italian woman that had been dancing with the snake before, and swung her, smiling even wider as she laughed, grinding against him.

It was too soon that Jared felt Misha’s hand on his arm, tugging him firmly away from the young man grinding against him with movements he’d only seen in porn. He followed – albeit reluctantly – and sat down with the rest of the group.

“Mission accomplished,” Misha hissed when they were all crowded around one of the tiny tables in the corner of the hall. “We made it in without Sheppard spotting us.”

Jared’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to ask why they needed to avoid Sheppard – weren’t they here to speak with one of his boys? But before he could get the words out, the music stopped and a silence fell over the hall. The lights went out. Next to Jared, Robbie gasped.

“It’s him. The Shining Emerald,” Misha whispered. A single light appeared, illuminating the heads of the men and women still on the dance floor. A new song began as Jensen appeared, lowered on a trapeze.

_ “There’s only two types of people in the world…” _

***

_ He was the most beautiful creature I’d ever laid my eyes on. Pornography, models, actors, dancers – no one compared to the beauty that was Jensen. Clad in a pair of shining silver and green derby shorts and fishnet leggings that left nothing to the imagination, and a black and silver tophat over his light brown hair – I could see almost every inch of that smooth, freckled skin. And how I wanted to feel that skin sliding against my own. _

_ His voice – all the angels in heaven couldn’t compare. Each word spilled from between full, wet, red lips – I began fantasizing about their taste within seconds. _

_ What I didn’t know at that time, however, was that there was someone else there to see Jensen that evening. A man I would come to hate with every fiber of my being: The Governor. His real name was Jeffrey Morgan – and he was a jealous, cruel man. _

_ But I knew nothing of him then. At that moment, I knew nothing except the fact that I was falling truly and madly in love. _

***

“ _ Well, baby, I’m a put-on-a-show kinda boy…”  _  Jensen sang as the trapeze continued to lower. A few of the other dancers grabbed his outstretched arms, pulling him neatly off it and spinning him to the ground. Not missing a beat, Jensen began to dance, stepping toward the men and women that were making a loose ring around his dance floor.

_ “All eyes on me in the center of the ring – just like a circus,”  _ Another group of dancers joined behind him, keeping melody and time as Jensen moved, popping his hips and hands to the beat of the music with ease. Each time he slid his hands over his ass or crotch, the sequins on his shorts shifted, going from silver to green and back again.

His green eyes roamed over the crowd, taking in the audience with a teasing smirk. The younger Asian dancer from before slid up to him and began to grind against his side. Jensen laughed a little and shoved him onto the floor, dancing forward and dropping himself down so his knees were on either side of the man’s hips. He tilted his hips forward, thrusting to the rhythm as his back arched.

_ Everybody let go, we can make the dance floor just like a circus… _

The crowd cheered, crowding a little closer, the ring around the dancers – and Jensen – closing. It didn’t seem to bother him however. He jumped to his feet in a fluid motion, allowing the other dancers to surround him – hiding him from view.

They separated quickly and Jensen grabbed the tophat from his head, dragging it down his sweat sheened body as he sang, his hips and legs curving to the music.  _ “There’s only two types of people out there. Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared.” _ The hat covered his crotch at this point and he popped his hips forward, using the motion to tip the hat into the crowd.

The crowd screamed and clamored for the hat, each wanting the honor of touching something that Jensen himself touched. He laughed at the chaos, continuing his routine. The blonde in the gold bikini danced around him, passing over a coiled whip. He snapped it at the crowd, stilling them for a moment.

Still singing, now winding the smooth black leather around his body, he danced forward, stopping in front of the lucky young man gripping the top hat he’d thrown. He wrapped the whip around the back of the man’s neck, taking the hat as he sang,  _ “I’m like a ringleader, I call the shots.” _

He tipped it back onto his head and used the whip to pull the man closer, ignoring his pale face.  _ “I’m like a firecracker, I make it hot _ ,” As he sang he slid his body over the man’s chest and groin, dipping low and looking up at him.

The man in question groaned softly, his entire body stiffening for a second as he came, a wet spot appearing on the front of his jeans. Jensen giggled; it wasn’t the first time he’d made a guy lose his load without touching him.

Jensen backed up and cracked the whip again, joining the other dancers. A glance back showed the man nearly fall over, caught by a few of his friends and dragged backwards out of the crowd. Another satisfied customer.

He continued to dance with the others, forgetting the crowds and focusing on his steps – and looking downright beautiful. Sheppard caught his gaze and he gave a barely there nod. On cue, a few of the male dancers scooped him up, twirling him neatly until he reached the stairs. He danced his way up them until he reached Sheppard, smiling widely at him.

Sheppard looked at him proudly, joining in with the singing,  _ “All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus…” _

The other dancers took over, distracting the crowd as he and Sheppard slipped behind the curtain. Sheppard beamed, helping Jensen wiggle into the tight corset waiting for him. “Is the Governor here, Mark?” He panted.

“Would I let you down, baby boy? Of course he’s here,” He said, peeking out of the curtain and groaning. Of course  _ Misha _ would be screwing things up.

Jensen grimaced as one of the other dancers tugged the strings along his back tightly. “Where is he?”

“Peek out. He’s the one Misha is shaking a handkerchief at.”

Jensen did so, his eyes bulging. Misha was shaking a handkerchief alright, at the most handsome man he’d ever laid his eyes on. Tall and, fit, with long hair and eyes shining even from this distance. Tonight would be a  _ breeze _ . “Are you sure?” He asked when he pulled his head in, not believing how lucky he got.

“Lemme check,” Sheppard stuck his head out of the curtain while Jensen shimmied his hips into the skirt that matched the corset. Misha had turned and was waving the handkerchief at the Governor now, who looked amused and infuriated at the same time. “That’s him… Provided that idiot doesn’t frighten him off.”

Jensen beamed. “He’s amazing,” He commented. “Will he give us the loan?”

Sheppard smiled, helping Jensen pull on the elbow length lace gloves. “Little squirrel, after spending the night with you, who could say no?”

“Well what’s his type? Solemn and sweet?” He pouted out his bottom lip. “Or bright and hyper?” He began to bounce a little, beaming from ear to ear. “Or sexy and mysterious?” He tucked his bottom lip into his mouth and narrowed his eyes before winking.

“Mm, sexy and mysterious. We’re relying on you here, Jenny. Without this the theatre will be foreclosed upon. But with his money, we can have a real show, a real theatre, a real audience. And you can finally be—“

“A real actor,” Jensen whispered, his eyes lighting up at the thought. Sheppard smiled adoringly and pushed him back out onto the balcony.

_ “Just like a circus!”  _ He sang along with the group, dancing his way down the stairs and over to Jared as the song ended.

“You were expecting me?” He whispered, in Jared’s ear.

Jared whimpered; Jensen was even more intoxicating up close and personal. The emerald and lace corset showed off his curves perfectly, and the skirt was teasingly short. “Y—Yes,” Jared managed to whisper.

Jensen smiled softly and turned to the crowd of patrons that was closing in on him. “Gentlemen’s choice, boys and girls.” He pointed to Jared, who continued to sit, his eyes round as he drank in Jensen’s beauty.

“Aw,” Jensen pouted. “He doesn’t want me,” He teased, beginning to flip the short skirt around as the crowd cheered.

Misha neared them, setting a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I see you’ve met my friend?”

“I’ve got it covered, Misha – thank you,” Jensen said. He smiled at the strange man – as odd as Misha was, Jensen had always adored his silly antics. He turned around as a new song began. “Dance with me.”

Robbie shoved Jared up and into Jensen’s arms. Their eyes met and Jensen’s cheeks pinked – he really was a beautiful man. He stepped away from Jared and began to dance, the patrons separating to give him room.

_ This is not the way into my heart, into my head, into my brain, into none of the above… _

A few men and women gathered behind Jared, watching Jensen dance. When he turned and gave a come hither motion with his finger, they shoved Jared forward. He blushed darkly when Jensen began to grind on him, but felt himself getting into the music despite his nerves – and growing erection.

_ We can get a little crazy just for fun, just for fun, don’t even try to hold it back – just let go... _

Jensen slid his hands down Jared’s body, gasping a little when he cupped his groin. He winked at Jared then. “Nice of you to take an interest in the show,” He said, his lips close to Jared’s ear as they began to dance together.

“It sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to take part,” Jared said.

“Really?”

Jared nodded, still shocked that his mouth was working correctly. “Assuming you like my talent, of course.”

Jensen giggled. “I’m sure it’s satisfactory.”

“Misha said we could do it in private.”

_ Hold my arms above my head and push my face into the bed, ‘cause I’m a screamer baby, make me a mute… _

“Oh?” Jared dipped Jensen low, making him gasp. They came together, chest to chest.

“Yes, a private poetry reading.”

“Oh..” Jensen laughed again, assuming Jared was being coy. “I love poetry after supper. I’ll see you and your  _ talent _ after the show.” He pecked Jared’s cheek and danced back to the center of the crowd.

_ “Wanna wrestle with me, baby, here’s a sneak little peek: you can dominate the game cause I’m tough,”  _ Jensen sang, allowing the dancers to pick him up once more. He grabbed the trapeze he’d entered on, seating himself on it as it began to swing and ascend.

_ “Everybody let go, we can make the dancefloor just like a—“ _ Jensen drew in a shaky breath, unable to fully breathe in. The world began to spin and his balance slipped. He felt himself falling to the dance floor so far below as the world went black.

Everyone gasped as Jensen fell, his arms splayed out. The Asian dancer stepped forward with one of the others, catching him easily and rushing him off the dance floor.

Sheppard cleared his throat, seeing the panic cross the faces of the customers. He began to clap, putting on a big grin despite his fears. The audience, believing him, began to laugh and clap, cheering and whooping for Jensen.

“You’ve frightened him off,” Sheppard said, laughing. “But I see plenty of men and women out there begging for a partner! Go find someone to sate your appetite and enjoy your night!” He cried as the music started back up. He slipped backstage to make sure Jensen was okay.

***

Jensen was sitting up slowly when Sheppard reached him. Kim was rubbing his back as he coughed. She looked up at Sheppard, giving him an almost pained look.

“How is he? How are you, my little squirrel?”

Jensen smiled and coughed again. “I’m okay, Mark. These damn costumes are killing me,” He said, tossing aside the tissue. He didn’t notice the light staining of blood in the phlegm.

Sheppard did, however, and so did Kim. They shared a worried expression. “Alright,” He said, not wanting to scare Jensen before such an important meeting. “Let’s get you dressed for your meeting with the Governor, huh?”

“Of course.” He rose slowly and the Asian dancer from before rushed forward, helping him stand.

“You did great out there, Jen.”

Jensen smiled and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Thank you Osric. And thank you for catching me. I certainly wouldn’t have been entertaining our money ticket out of here if I’d broken my neck.”

“I’d say entertaining a prude like him would be the least of your concerns,” Kim said with annoyance in her voice.

Jensen smiled patiently. Kim had been like a mother to him since he was sixteen, and he knew her words were well meaning. “I know you don’t like it, but I have to do this.”

“I know. Someday you’re going to be the next Gene Kelly.”

Jensen laughed, “I wish I could.”

“Why couldn’t you?” Kim asked as she helped Jensen strip out of the costume. “You’ve got plenty of talent, even if you’re wasting it. But if you get the Governor to invest, you could be on your way to Hollywood or above, Jensen.”

Jensen smiled softly, looking at his tired reflection in the mirror. “A real actor,” He whispered, nodding to himself before beginning to dress again.

Only a few minutes had passed before Sheppard stepped in after knocking, smiling at Jensen in the mirror. “Are you ready to see your Governor?”

“How do I look?” Jensen asked, shrugging on a sheer robe and turning. He’d changed into a pair of delicate silk panties in a deep, emerald green and donned a thin black choker around his neck.

Sheppard nodded. “You’re going to do great, Jenny.”


	3. A Poetry Reading

“Great place for poetry, don’t you think?”

Jared jumped visibly at the sound of Jensen’s silky voice. He whipped around from where he’d been looking out the window.

They were in a small one room apartment connected to the theatre by a set of rickety stairs. Despite the age of the apartment, it was put together with splendor. The bed was large and comfortable looking, with a sheer red canopy draped over the silky black comforter. Near the bed was a table with various fruits and alcohols – though Jared was too nervous to even consider drinking or eating anything. He needed his head on straight.

The curtains were thick and dark, parted to let in the moonlight. From where he was standing, Jared could see into his own tiny apartment just a short walk away. Why was he  _ here _ ? To read Jensen poetry, of course, but he had no idea why it wasn’t just in one of the back rooms or an office, rather than Jensen’s suite.

And now, with the way Jensen looked – that sheer robe and those – God, those silky panties that barely hid the outline of his assets – Jared didn’t know how he’d make it through even a  _ word _ of his poetry.

“I—Yes.”

Jensen smiled softly. “Care for some wine? Fruit?” He walked over to the table, his hips swaying in a way that went straight to Jared’s dick.

“I’d rather just get this done with,” He admitted, startling a little when Jensen thumped the wine bottle down with some force.

“Fine.” He turned around and smiled. “The bed?”

“I’ll stand, thank you,” Jared felt himself shaking and wished for  _ something _ to do with his hands. The way Jensen was looking at him – like he had about four heads – it was making him uncomfortable. When Jensen shrugged and tried to stand, Jared stuck his hands out.

“No, you can sit. It’s kinda long and I want you to be comfortable so you can focus and give me your opinion.”

Jensen’s eyes bulged even wider. “Um—Okay?”

“It’s very… Different. What I do. So it might feel strange, but I know you’ll like it if you just let yourself.”

“Um…”

“Hold on,” Jared said and turned around, trying to calm himself. “It’s. There’s—“

He could hear Jensen shifting on the bed, and then a low moan rise. Shocked, he whipped around, his eyes widening. Jensen was lying back on the bed, his hips jerking lazily upward.

“Uh, the birds and the—“ Fuck that was sexier than it should have been. Jared turned around again, doing everything he could to focus on the task at hand and not the gorgeous man on the bed. He heard Jensen sigh loudly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just nervous,” Jared admitted. “Sometimes I can’t get—“

“Oh! Let me help?” Jensen rose and turned Jared around. Their eyes met and he smiled softly, his tongue peeking out from between his teeth.

With a practiced ease, Jensen slid his hands down, down, until he brushed the tips of his fingers over Jared’s crotch. He gave a soft squeeze, smirking when Jared gasped.

“Inspiring enough?” He purred.

“Uh—“

Jensen laughed a little and pulled Jared to him, grinding against him. “Come on, let’s get to it,” He whispered, “I wanna see your ‘talent.’” He shoved Jared backwards with a surprising amount of strength and crawled over him.

“What’re you—Oh God,” Jared’s teeth clicked shut when Jensen leaned down, biting on his earlobe. His treacherous dick wanted in on the action – but none of this would get him  _ hired _ . Would it? He barely had time to process before Jensen moved up, undoing his belt.

“Let’s see this, huh?”

Jared whimpered helplessly when Jensen’s hand dipped into his pants to grasp at his hardening cock. “F—“

“Holy… That is a big talent,” Jensen whispered. He leaned close to Jared’s ear and bit down on the lobe once more. “Why don’t you gimme your poetry, huh?”

“Okay,” Jared said. Finally, something he  _ understood _ . He shoved Jensen off him and rose quickly, facing away from him to redo his pants. “It’s a little bit funny.”

“What is?” Jensen asked from the bed, confused.

“This feeling inside.” Jared paused once he fixed his pants and turned his head. “This is okay, right?”

Jensen cocked his head a little before it seemed to click. “Right! Poetry! Yeah, of course. It’s perfect, big boy.”

Jared nodded before continuing, looking back at the wall away from Jensen. “I’m not one of those who can easily hi—“ He stopped when Jensen began to moan behind him.

Shaking his head, he began again, “Hide. I don’t have much money, but boy, if I did… I—I’d buy a big house, where we both could live.”

“Big  _ talent _ ,” Jensen moaned. Jared turned fully to face him, his eyes widening. Jensen was stretched out on the bed, rubbing himself through the panties.

“I—If I were a sculptor, but then again, no—Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show,” Jared stuttered, unsure of how to proceed. Jensen continued to writhe on the bed, his hips bucking pornographically as he moaned loudly.

“I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I can do—”

“Oh, it’s perfect baby,  _ please _ ,” Jensen whined, his eyes squeezed shut. Jared grimaced – this wasn’t working at all. He took a shaky breath and began to sing,

_ “My gift is my song and, this one’s for you _ !”

Jensen froze on the bed, sitting up slowly. Jared smiled shyly but continued, glad at least for  _ silence _ from his audience of one.

_ “And you can tell everybody that this is your song. It may be quite simple but now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life while you’re in the world.” _

He continued to sing the poem but turned to look out the window again, his cheeks burning under Jensen’s now intense scrutiny. He heard Jensen rise from the bed and turned back, not slowing his words,

_ “So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do, you see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue. Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean: yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen,” _ He grabbed Jensen’s hands and pulled him close, spinning him in a slow dance. It wasn’t erotic – nothing like they were doing in the club.

_ “And you can tell everybody this is your song. It may be quite simple but now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words how wonderful life is while you’re in the world. _ ”

Jensen’s mouth opened slightly as the final notes faded into silence. “Oh my God.”

“What?” Jared whispered, his anxiety biting a nervous hole in his stomach.

“I’m in love.”

Heart stopping didn’t begin to describe Jared’s feelings did at the sound of those words.  _ Love _ . The very thing he’d longed for in his short life and now, in this room – he was feeling it. He leaned forward – this would be his first  _ real _ kiss. Jensen whispered again before their lips met,

“I’m in love. And with a beautifully talented Governor.”

Jared’s eyes narrowed. “A Governor?”

“It doesn’t matter – money isn’t important to me.”

“I’m not a Governor.” Jensen’s smile faded a little.

“You aren’t? Then why do they call you that?”

“They don’t. I’m Jared. I’m a writer.” Jensen’s eyes widened and he shoved Jared off him, backing up and wrapping the robe tightly around himself.

“A writer? You’re kidding me.”

“No, I thought Misha—“

“Misha?” Jensen snarled, fury turning his cheeks a mottled red. “You’re not one of Misha’s pet writers are you? Broke and searching for love and happiness in a ruined world?”

“Well, kind of. But you see—“

“No! No. Out!” Jensen shouted, heading toward his door. Jared stood still, at a loss for words. What had gone  _ wrong _ ?

Jensen threw open the door and gasped, closing it just as quickly. Sheppard and the Governor were standing in the doorway.

“Go!” He hissed.

Jared tried to duck out the window, but the door opened quickly, propelling Jensen forward. Jared dove behind the table at the last second, bumping his head and rattling the plates.

“Jenny! Where’d you run off to?” Sheppard asked, entering with the tall, bearded man.

“Just making sure everything was ready up here,” Jensen said coolly, leaning on the table. “You must be the Governor.”

The man stepped forward. He had dark eyes and dark hair – the hero of every mystery or romance novel. “You can call me Jeffrey.”

“Jeffrey,” Jensen giggled a little, bowing politely. “I’m so honored you took an interest in me.”

“Mm, I wasn’t so sure, but after seeing you on the stage – I had to have a closer look.”

Sheppard ducked out after Jensen gave a nod. Jensen glanced to where Jared was hiding, his eyes peeking out over the table.

“Would you like some wine, Jensen?” Jeffrey asked, turning to the table.

“No!” 

Jeffrey startled, facing Jensen with wide eyes.

“Come and look outside. It’s such a gorgeous night. I love the air here after a show.” Jensen dragged Jeffrey toward the window and leaned out of the balcony, giving the man an excellent view of his ass.

“It’s… Smoggy,” Jeffrey said before turning back to the table. “I’m going to get a drink, and then we can—“

Jensen rushed in front of him and splayed his hands across Jeffrey’s chest. “It’s a little bit funny.”

“What is?”

“This feeling. Um, inside.”

“Oh?”

Jensen smiled and spun Jeffrey around so his back was to the table, slipping his hands across the older’s hips. He glanced up to see Jared standing slowly.

“I’m not one of those who can easily hide,” Jensen spoke, pulling Jeffrey closer to him. He could feel the man’s erection against his leg, but his focus was on Jared – please don’t let Jared get  _ caught. _

Jeffrey scowled a little and began to turn to where Jensen was looking, but Jensen dropped to his knees, looking up at him with his best bedroom eyes.  _ “I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words… How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world _ .”

Jeffrey gasped gently as Jensen stood, nuzzling against the side of his scruffy neck. He watched Jared sneak toward the door.

“That’s—Gorgeous, Jensen.”

“It’s from  _ Fabulously Spectacular _ . I never really understood the point of the lyrics until I met you just now.”

“And what do you understand?” Jensen opened his mouth to answer as Jared opened the door to his bedroom. He shut it just as quickly, however, when he spotted a tall blonde man with a sidearm guarding the doorway.

Jeffrey jumped at the sound of the door shutting and went to turn until Jensen squealed, dragging him toward the bed.

“I wanna fuck.”

“F—Fuck?” Jeffrey clarified, confused by the change in behavior.

“Don’t you wanna? I mean – isn’t that what you’re here for?” Jensen spread his legs and slid his hands up his inner thighs, smirking when Jeffrey wet his lips.

“Well, yeah. Um—“

“Come on, baby.”

Jeffrey shrugged and tossed his coat aside, crawling over Jensen. He began to kiss up his neck and Jensen batted for Jared to escape through the window.

Jared rose but stopped at the balcony, watching the action on the bed. He wasn’t being perverted – but he couldn’t hide the hurt on his face. After what had just happened – what Jensen had just confessed –

Jensen glared then rolled his eyes. “You’re right. We should wait until the show opens,” He panted in Jeffrey’s ear.

Jared smirked at him and ducked out the window, climbing a few feet down the fire escape so he wouldn’t be seen.

Jensen pushed Jeffrey off. “You’re so powerful – I – I can’t bring myself to comprehend what we have already, so soon. You need to go.”

“Go? I just arrived,” Jeffrey argued. Jensen laughed.

“But we’ll see each other every day during the play’s rehearsal, right? We’ll wait until opening night and it’ll be  _ beautiful _ .”

Jeffrey turned on him and grabbed his shoulders, startling Jensen a little. “If I’m going to invest in this play, Jensen, I expect you to come through with your part of the deal. You are of monetary value, according to Sheppard, are you not?”

The words hurt – even if Jensen knew they were true, they still stung to hear put so plainly. He smiled despite the pain and nodded.

“Of course, Jeffrey. I’m simply a perk that you get for agreeing to fund the play. All yours. A toy, if you will.” He slid his hand out and over Jeffrey’s crotch, giving a playful squeeze. “But aren’t toys more fun to play with if you’ve wanted them for a while?”

Jeffrey’s jaw clenched for a moment but he nodded. “Fine. As you wish, Jensen. I will collect you on opening night. If I approve of your little  _ play _ .” He turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Jensen slumped onto the bed, breathing hard.

Jared climbed back up the fire escape, motioning frantically at Misha to stop – he’d been climbing the stairs himself to see what the problem was. He turned around and laughed a little, having missed the conversation between Jensen and Jeffrey with Misha’s distraction.

Jensen rose from the bed. “Do you have any idea what would have happened if he’d caught you?”

“He didn’t though. And you didn’t sleep with him.”

He shook his head and rushed forward, shoving Jared lightly. “You idiot, he could’ve—could’ve—“ Jensen began to gasp a little, wrapping his hand lightly around his bulging neck.

“Jensen?” Jared worried.

“I—Can’t—“ Jensen’s eyes rolled back and he collapsed.

Jared jumped forward, catching him before his head hit the hardwood floor. “Jensen?” He shook him gently, trying to rouse him. Panic rose in his throat. “Jensen!”

He shifted, trying to shuffle Jensen toward the bed so he could make sure he was still breathing. “Jensen!” He cried again, collapsing onto the bed with him. He reached up to feel for a pulse just as the door opened.

“I forgot my jacke—“ Jeffrey froze, meeting Jared’s wide eyed expression.

“Jeffrey,” Jensen whispered from under Jared. He backed up quickly, his hands shaking. This could ruin everything.

“A funny feeling inside, huh?” Jeffrey spat.

Jensen laughed a little and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He was still a little confused from his unconscious state. “This is the writer of that song, Jeffrey. Jared.”

“Uh, huh. What is  _ Jared _ doing here?”

“We were rehearsing,” Jensen explained, rising and cinching the robe around his waist.

“Right. In that outfit? Where’s everyone e—“

“Sorry we’re so late, Jenny! Those fools wouldn’t let us in the front door!” Misha cried, climbing up the fire escape. He was followed by the other group members, crowding the small apartment.

Jensen grinned, relieved at Misha’s perfect timing. “No problem, Jared and I were just getting a head start.”

“Perfect. Do you wanna take it from the top?” Misha asked, shoving past Jeffrey to hang his coat.

Jeffrey grabbed Jensen’s arm in a bruising grip. “You really don’t think I believe this, do you?”

“Believe what you want, dear. But when we talked… I was so inspired, I realized that we have so much work to do with the new writer that I called up an emergency rehearsal here and now. I was going to get dressed but Jared arrived quickly and I didn’t want to be completely nude in front of him, I may be an escort but I do have manners.”

“Where’s Sheppard?”

“I didn’t w—“ The door burst open again and Jensen couldn’t hide his eye roll – he  _ really _ needed a damn lock.

“I’m so sorry, Sir—“

“Mark! Thank God! We thought you wouldn’t be able to make it!”

“Make it?”

“To the rehearsal.”

Sheppard’s eyes narrowed. “Rehearsal.”

“Mhm. To incorporate Jeffrey’s brilliant ideas.”

“Oh! Well I guess Tahmoh—“

“Tahmoh quit,” Misha said from next to Jared, smiling awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, he  _ what? _ ” Sheppard snapped, turning his gaze to Misha. Jensen grabbed him before he flew off the handle.

“Surprise! We already have a new writer and Jeffrey  _ loves _ his ideas. It’s the only reason he’s so keen to invest.”

“I-Invest! Excellent! Well, I’m so glad you want to work with us,” Sheppard cried, the prospect of money making him forget the fiasco taking place in the apartment. “Would you like to go downstairs with me and go over paperwork—“

“What’s the story?” Jeffrey asked, crossing his arms.

“The—Story?” Sheppard asked.

“Well, I mean I wanna know what the story is if I’m gonna dump money into it.”

“Oh, well, Misha?” Sheppard looked at Misha. When all eyes turned to him he froze, opening his mouth and closing it a few times before Jared stepped up.

“It’s about love.”

“Love?” Jeffrey looked almost disgusted. Jared clenched his jaw for a moment before putting on a smile.

“Yeah. Love being the greatest thing in the world. Overcoming any obstacle.”

“We’re making it take place in Switzerland!” Misha chimed in, earning a glare from Jared.

“Switzerland?” Jeffrey asked.

“France,” Jared quickly corrected. “It’s set in France. See, there’s this beautiful male courtesan. But he’s forced to be with an evil Duke who’s supposed to help the courtesan succeed in life. To do this, he has to sleep with the Duke. But you see, on the night of the affair, the courtesan mistakes a w—musician for the Duke and falls in love with him.” He hesitated and looked over at Jensen, smiling a bit. “It was just a mistake, he wasn’t trying to trick the courtesan or anything, he was dressed like a Duke because he’s going to be in a play.”

Robbie stepped up, seeing Jared stumble over his words. “I’ll be playing the poor musician.” He grabbed a guitar from the corner of the room and strummed it experimentally, dancing toward Jeffrey. “He can sing like a god, you see.”

Jeffrey grimaced at Robbie, taking a step back to preserve his personal space. “Alright, what next?”

“The musician and the courtesan have to hide their affair from the evil Duke.”

“But the musician’s guitar is magic. It speaks, but it can only speak the truth,” Richard spoke up, and Jared grinned widely, nodding to him.

“I’ll be playing the guitar,” Misha said, snagging it from Robbie and hugging the instrument close. He nuzzled up to Jensen, who smiled and rolled his eyes. “You’re so handsome.”

“You’re a fool,” Jensen teased, and Misha winked. He turned to Sheppard.

“You’re ugly as an old sock.” Sheppard’s eyes narrowed and he slapped Misha upside the head. Misha laughed and turned to Jeffrey.

“And you’re t—“

“No!” Jared and Jensen cried, slapping their hands over Misha’s mouth. Jensen smiled sheepishly and Jared chuckled.

Jeffrey scowled a little and nodded. “So he lets the truth out about the lovers.”

“Exactly!” Jared cried, excited about how this was all coming together.

“What about dancing?” Sheppard asked.

Jared looked at him. “D—Dancing?”

“Yes, you surely can’t have a play with some of San Francisco’s finest dancers without dancing.”

“Of course, there’ll be all sorts of dirty, erotic, thrusting dance moves,” Robbie filled in, grinding almost comically against Jensen, who laughed a little. He placed his hand over Robbie’s face and pushed him away.

“Save it for the stage, Rob.”

“But it’s so fun,” Robbie teased. Jensen laughed more and shook his head.

“Flirt.”

“Tease,” Robbie said.

“It’s my job.”

Sheppard pushed between the two and clapped his hand on Jeffrey’s back. “So what do you think?”

“What do I think?”

“About the show.”

“It’s… Interesting,” Jeffrey said and Sheppard’s face drooped.

“Just interesting? Not... Spectacular?”

“Well, I’m not sure about some of it. For instance, what is the  _ appeal _ of the whole thing?”

Sheppard looked to the group and Jim smirked. “The appeal is that it’s not been done before. We’ll have so many new elements, nothing could ever compare.”

“What elements?” Jeffrey prodded.

“Well acrobats,” Misha said.

“And circus performers!” Richard added.

“Fire eaters,” Jim said.

“Danger, and intrigue, and most importantly, romance,” Robbie finished.

“No one has ever seen nor will ever see a show like this, and that’s what will draw the crowds if we have the right atmosphere,” Misha said, pointing his walking stick at Jeffrey, “And that’s where you come in.”

“Well alright, I understand that. But how does the whole thing end?” He asked, grabbing a chair from the desk and sitting down to face the group.

Jensen cleared his throat, looking over at Misha, who looked at Jim, who looked at Richard. Finally, Jared stepped up. “See, the courtesan and the musician are found out, and the Duke creates a vicious plan that pulls them apart.”

“But then the courtesan hears the special song the musician wrote for him,” Jensen continued, smiling over at Jared.

“And they realize that their love is strong enough to overcome all obstacles,” Jared finishes, returning the soft smile.

_ “It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside… _ That song?” Jeffrey cleared. Jared nodded.

“That’s what I believe will be the correct song for that point. Anyway, they flee the city and the evil Duke.”

“Should someone die?” Jeffrey offered. Jared blinked at him for a few seconds, confused as to how he even came to that conclusion.

“Uh—Love overcomes everything in the end,” He said, instead of answering Jeffrey’s question.

The group was silent, watching Jeffrey. He rose and paced back and forth in front of the chair for a moment, tapping his fingers on his chin.

“Generally, I like it.”

Everyone cheered, rushing up to shake Jeffrey’s hand. They’d done it. It was close – but Sheppard now had the funds to fix the theatre portion of the club, the show was going to happen.


	4. Meeting Jensen

_ Things should have been perfect. I heard the group upstairs, feet pounding the floor as they danced to some inaudible music, the bass thumping my tiny apartment. _

_ Misha had found me a bed; he’d surprised me with it when we returned to my apartment building after securing the okay from Sheppard to move forward with Fabulously Spectacular. So, this was it. This was going to be my life, at least for the next two months. Enough time to write the show and get the theatre renovated, practice – I looked around the small apartment from my view at the window sill. The bed – new by my standards but certainly not new at all, a rickety old desk with a small laptop and a chair that I knew would give me sores and a backache if I sat in it too long. _

_ I should’ve been happy. But I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Jensen. Those shining green eyes and that smattering of freckles like the sky itself imprinted a galaxy across his nose. I wondered what he was doing – was he with Sheppard? Or another of the dancers? Was he thinking about me? _

_ My eyes found their way over to the Castro, and up, up to where I knew Jensen’s room was. The curtains were drawn together, but I could see a thin line of light spilling from them, a beacon in the otherwise muted night colors this high up. It was drawing me in. I should have been writing, but he was so close. _

_ I thought back to tonight, my poetry – my song – it exploded out of me without a prior thought, as if my muse had been awoken from a centuries long slumber at the sight of Jensen’s smooth, perfect skin. And my muse wanted more. It was an ache, a longing in my stomach and heart and head all at the same time, seeking the feel of Jensen’s flesh under my rough hands once again. _

_ The curtains in Jensen’s apartment fluttered for a moment before he stepped out on the balcony. Even shrouded by the light behind him, I could make out his form – radiant as ever. He was wearing pants now and a long-sleeved shirt or sweater. He leaned over the balcony and reached out, grabbing the fire escape ladder before pulling himself onto it. Where was he going? Up – from the looks of it. _

_ Before I really knew what I was doing I dragged myself off my window sill and tugged on my hoodie, swinging my legs out the window and down the rickety fire escape on my own building. I had to see him – speak to him about what happened tonight without the prying ears of my new friends, or his new suitor. _

***

Jared could hear Jensen’s voice rising as he climbed the stairs up the side of the building.

_ “I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory…” _

Jared hoisted himself onto the roof, standing still. Jensen had his back turned to Jared, looking up at the bright, full moon. Jared’s prior thoughts had been right; Jensen was wearing a pair of tight fitting stonewashed jeans. His feet were still bare, but he was wearing a red and black flannel shirt, a soft scarf wrapped around his neck.

_ “But we’ll try best that we can to ca—  _ Oh! _ ” _ Jensen turned around as he sang, jumping and covering his mouth when he caught sight of Jared.

Jared threw his hands up, afraid Jensen was going to scream and stepped forward. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I saw you up here and thought I—I wanted to say thanks. I know I got the job because of you. It means a lot.”

Jensen dropped his hands slowly, playing one of the buttons on his shirt. “Oh, well. You deserve it. Misha was right, you are definitely talented. But I should get to bed. And I’m sure you have a ton of writing to do. We have a long day tomorrow.” He walked toward Jared, heading for the stairs.

“Wait,” Jared held out his hand for a second, careful not to grab Jensen. He didn’t want to frighten him. “I have a question.”

“What?” They were much closer, and Jared found it hard to speak once again. Jensen wasn’t looking at him, rather he was studying the rough cement under his feet.

“Earlier. When you thought I was Jeffrey. You said you loved me and I—“

“Wanted to know if it was real?” Jensen whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Of course not.” Jared’s heart sank at Jensen’s flippant reply. He lowered his hand.

“Oh. It felt like it was real was all,” He said softly, tears burning the back of his throat.

Jensen snorted and looked over at Jared. “Jared, I’m a whore. Men and women pay me to make them believe whatever they want to believe and feel whatever they want to feel.”

Jared shook his head, waving his hand. “You’re right. I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have thought you could actually fall in love with someone like me anyway. Sorry I bothered you.” He turned to step down the fire escape, but Jensen grabbed his shoulder.

“Why would you think I couldn’t?”

Jared chuckled weakly and shrugged. “I’m not your type.”

“Again, I’m a whore. I don’t have a type.”

“Stop calling yourself a whore, Jensen. You’re a talented singer and dancer, and I know you can act, otherwise Misha wouldn’t want you in the play so bad.”

“I could be the most talented man in the world, Jared. I’d still be a prostitute first. And you are my type. I just—I can’t fall in love.”

Jared’s head whipped up. “Can’t fall in love? That’s terrible!”

“No, being homeless and poor is terrible.”

“But love, it’s our souls!”

“You’re not making sense, Jared.”

“Love is a flower with seeds to be sewn, love is like the wind, wild wind, I’d do  _ anything _ for love,” Jared cried.

“But  _ I  _ won’t do that,” Jensen said softly.

Jared shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. He grabbed Jensen’s hands and began to sing,  _ “It’s amazing, it’s amazing, all that you can do—“ _

“I do what I can to eat,” Jensen explained, tugging his hands away and turning his back to Jared. Jared circled around him and grinned.

_ “It’s amazing, makes my heart sing. Now, it’s up to you _ .”

“I don’t want to be on the street!” Jensen pleaded.

_ “Push the limit, are you with me? Baby, don’t be afraid…” _

_ “We don’t see eye to eye _ ,” Jensen argued in verse, hoping to make Jared understand if he spoke the writer’s language.

_ “You are my everything, _ ” Jared shot back, unfazed, “ _ you taught me how to sing! You took a chance on me, opened my heart to see.” _

Jensen sighed and stepped away from Jared, further onto the roof. As he did he responded,  _ “The only way you’ll see a thing, baby is if you pay my hefty fees.” _

“ _ You don’t have to be rich, to rule my world,” _ Jared pleaded, singing across the roof. Jensen turned and smirked.

_ “But  _ you _ gotta be rich, to give me a whirl.” _ He spun, the jeans he was wearing giving a perfect view of his ass as he did so. Jared rolled his eyes.

_ “Then I’ll be your temporary fix!” _ Jensen laughed a little but Jared continued, “ _ Even if it’s just one night…” _

_ “You’re beyond insane! This causes nothing but pain,” _ Jensen argued, circling back to Jared. He grabbed the handrail to the fire escape and began to descend it.

“ _ Don’t _ !” Jared paused a second, meeting Jensen’s gaze.  _ “Make it tough—I’ll put away my pride.” _ He smiled weakly. “ _ Enough’s enough. I’ve suffered and I’ve seen the light. _ ”

Jensen sighed a bit and climbed back onto the roof. He rubbed his neck nervously, turning away from Jared and looking back up at the moon.  _ “The book of love is long and boring. No one can lift the damn thing.” _

_ “But I – I love it when you read to me. And you, you can read me anything _ .” Jared winked at Jensen when he looked over his shoulder.

_ “The book of love is long and boring, and written very long ago… It’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes… These are things that we’re too young to know.” _

“But what’s wrong with that?” Jared whispered. He stepped up to Jensen and turned him gently, their noses brushing.  _ “I wanna know _ ,” He leaned close, almost tasting the air Jensen was breathing through those pink, parted lips.

Jensen pushed back at the last second, turning his head and stepping back toward the center of the roof.

_ “Baby it’s fact!” _ Jared sang out, leaping onto the thin overhang of the roof. He stumbled a little, catching his balance. A fall from this height would surely kill him, but he was determined to prove his point.  _ “Our love won the tug of war!” _

He could hear Jensen crying out for him to get down but grinned back at him and continued to sing,  _ “When push comes to shove, love can’t be undone!” _

Jensen snagged the back of his hoodie and dragged him back to the safety of the roof, giving him a little shove.  _ “You think you’re in control? I think you’re crazy! I barely know you, but I knew you’d come around.” _

He turned and headed down. Jared stood still, contemplating letting Jensen go – but no – if this was something worth fighting for, he’d go down fighting.

_ “The two of us are just young gods!”  _ He cried, stopping Jensen before his head dipped below the wall. Jared rushed to the stairs then and Jensen shook his head.

“No. They’ll say awful things,” Jensen argued as he descended the stairs.

“Who cares?” Jared asked, following.

“And I—I don’t know what’s even true,” Jensen said, hopping over onto his balcony.

Jared followed once more and stood at the railing.  _ “We should be lovers!” _

_ “We can’t do that _ ,” Jensen sang softly. Jared approached him slowly, reaching for him, but Jensen backed further into the room.

_ “Baby it’s fact, our love is true… The way black is black, and blue is just blue—“ _ He reached for Jensen’s hand, brushing their fingers together. Jensen jerked his hand back and turned away from Jared.

_ “Don’t get cut on my edges—You know my tongue is a weapon _ .”

_ “The two of us are just young gods, and I can hear your heartbeat from a thousand miles… Don’t you feel like a young god? _ ”

Jensen met his gaze, his glare softening. He allowed Jared to turn him, dragging him back over the balcony and holding his hands as they sang in turn,

_ “Baby it’s fact,” _

_ “the two of us are young gods,” _

_ “and our love is true…” _

_ “Do you feel like a young god?” _

Jared stroked Jensen’s cheek.  _ “Cause you don’t have to be cool to rule my world.” _

_ “And you don’t have to be rich, to rule my world,”  _ Jensen conceded.

Jared held him closer and Jensen took a shaky breath before singing softly,  _ “How wonderful life is…” _

Jared joined in, “ _ now you’re in the world… _ ”

Jensen’s cheeks pinked up as their melody faded. He shook his head, not stepping back from Jared. “You know what?”

“What?”

“You’re going to be terrible for business,” Jensen whispered before dragging Jared’s head down into their first kiss.

*** 

_ I had always dreamed of my first real kiss. Sure, I’d kissed plenty of people over eighteen years of life, but it was never a real kiss. I hadn’t dated in high school, there was no point. My dad wouldn’t let me date a boy and it wasn’t fair to lie to a girl just to be normal. I knew what I wanted. So I waited. I hoped that someday I’d find a guy who cared for me. That’s who’d give me my first kiss. _

_ And in the waiting, I began to daydream. What my first lover’s lips would taste like. Where we would kiss the first time. What it would feel like… _

_ Kissing Jensen that evening on the balcony of his apartment blew all my prior assumptions out of the water. His mouth was sweet – I could taste a hint of the wine that had been sitting on the table earlier that evening, and the fruits – strawberry and blueberry at least. His lips were full and wet, sliding and slotting perfectly against my own. _

_ I could smell his cologne and the distinct musk that was simply Jensen. His hands rested on the small of my back, I could feel the heat even through my hoodie and t-shirt. The rough fabric of his flannel shirt as I dragged my keyboard callused fingers over it sparked my nerves – all that freckled skin just under those layers. _

***

Jensen separated them far too soon for Jared’s liking. He was breathing quickly, his cheeks pinked. Jared could barely see the emerald irises he was so famous for around his pupils, blown wide. “Move this to the bed?”

Jared froze. “I—No.”

Jensen furrowed his brows. “No? I—I mean, okay but… Is there something wrong?”

“No, I just—“ Jared looked at the ground. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Jared, it’s sex. I’m sure you’re fine.”

Jared shook his head. “No. I’m nowhere near fine. I can’t.”

“Can’t what? I’m clean – I get tested every few months, so you don’t need to worry about that. But I have condoms, if you want. And—“ Jensen paused, his face drooping a little. “Is it because I’m a prostitute?”

Jared’s head whipped up. “No! God, Jensen no – that doesn’t matter to me. I just… I don’t know how,” He admitted in a whisper, his cheeks mottling with embarrassment.

“Don’t know how? You—You’re a virgin?” Jensen tried, but couldn’t hide the giggle that escaped. Jared looked toward the city, wanting nothing more than to curl up under a rock.

“Yeah, go ahead and laugh, I’m a virgin. I’d just disappoint you. I’m gonna… We should get sleep. And I gotta write—“

“Jared, I didn’t mean to laugh.” Jensen reached out and grabbed his hand. “I don’t care that you’re a virgin.”

“You would. You’ve got so much experience and I—I’ve never seen a nude guy in real life outside of gym class. You’d laugh me right out of bed.”

“Having experience doesn’t mean anything. You wanna know what my experience amounts to? Me laying face down while guys use my ass, or the rare moment when I have a female client or the guy wants me to top. I’m a walking, talking, sex toy, Jared. I’ve never had someone have sex with me that gives two shits about if I like what’s happening or if I come – That’s not experience.”

Jared looked up at him, grimacing at the description. “But you’ve done this for years – surely you have to like it a little.”

Jensen snorted and shook his head, walking away from Jared and pouring himself a glass of wine from the bottle on the table. “I do what needs to be done so I can stay off the street. You think I like whoring myself out? Starving myself so I look pretty for all the men and women that wanna see how loud they can make me scream? You think I like knowing how much people love it when I cry? No, I don’t like it. I do it because it’s the only reason I’m not wandering the streets down there or dead. I do it because it’s the only way people want me.”

Jared strode up to him, his jaw set. He grabbed the glass of wine and set it down, wrapping his fingers lightly under Jensen’s chin to lift his head. “That’s not why I want you.”

Jensen smiled weakly. “It was at first. You can admit it. My dancing – I do it to make people want me.”

“But that’s not you. That’s what you do. I fell for  _ you _ .”

“You don’t even know me.”

Jared blinked – Jensen wasn’t wrong. He shrugged. “Then let me. Tell me about yourself.”

“What is there to tell? I’m a whore who wants to be an actor. I’m Jensen.”

“What don’t I know? What don’t you tell every client that walks through those doors. What do you keep inside, hide from everyone else?”

Jensen opened his mouth then closed it. He pulled his chin out of Jared’s grip. “Um… What do you really want to know I guess?”

“Your last name would be nice?” Jared said, smiling a little. Jensen laughed, looking down for a second. 

“Ackles.”

“Ackles. I like it. Where are you from, Jensen Ackles?”

Jensen shook his head. “What’s your game, Jared?”

“My game?’

“Yeah. What do you think you’ll win if you get to know me?”

Jared bit his lip, considering his answer. “I’ll get to know the man I’ve fallen in love with. As more than a dancer, or an escort, or an actor. And maybe I’ll get to be someone that he can confide in.” He shrugged and reached out, offering his hand to Jensen.

“What?” Jensen asked, glancing at Jared’s hand.

“Let’s go sit out on the balcony and talk.” Jensen blinked at him, confused, but took Jared’s hand. He allowed himself to be pulled onto the balcony.

Jared sat down, his back to the railing, and opened his arms for Jensen to sit between his knees.

***

_ And we talked. We talked until we were both droopy eyed and the birds were singing. Until the sun began to peek over the cityscape, illuminating the dingy buildings in the place we both called home. We talked about everything, and learned we weren’t really all that different. I told him my life story, as dull as it was, and Jensen told me his. _

_ He’d had moved to San Francisco from Texas ten years ago, when he was twelve. His father had died when he was a toddler: a police officer killed on the job. His mother had been diagnosed with cancer when he was eight. After trying various treatments, she’d moved them out to San Francisco with hopes for a new, better doctor. _

_ She’d died shortly before Jensen’s sixteenth birthday. He had no other family and hadn’t made friends in San Francisco – he’d been too busy taking care of his ailing mother – so when she died he was on his own. The foster care system wasn’t the best in his case – he easily slipped through the cracks and found himself on the street. _

_ That was where Jensen met Sheppard. He’d been trying to break into one of the empty apartments above the Castro when Sheppard had spotted him. There was nowhere to run, so he’d faced his fate. He was seventeen and wasn’t sure what the cops would do to him – but anything was better than living on the street at this point. _

_ But Sheppard saw through the dirt and the malnourishment to the beautiful boy underneath. He took Jensen in and fed him, clothed him – made him feel like he had a safe place. The only thing Sheppard asked in return was that he work for him. Learn to dance, or at least serve drinks to the patrons. _

_ And that worked for a while. Jensen was happy – but he was sucked into the allure of the Castro. He began to work with Osric on their days off. Osric was one of their best male dancers and had quickly become Jensen’s dearest friend. Osric taught him how to dance, how to move his body – use his body to appeal to the customers. _

_ Jensen took his first paying client on the night of his eighteenth birthday, and he hadn’t slowed down for a second. He couldn’t tell me the number of men and women he’d slept with, or the number of nights he’d danced, writhed against sweaty bodies and moaned in the ears of men who wanted nothing more than to rip his clothes off and fuck him unconscious. _

_ He was twenty when he first met Misha and the others. They were trying to start a play – as they had been for years, I’d now gathered. Sheppard and Misha were friends, though neither would admit it. But Sheppard knew Misha had a wild spark that would take his employees away, so he tried his best to shield them – especially the successful ones like Jensen – from Misha’s antics and rhetoric. _

_ It hadn’t worked. Jensen was just as enthralled in the idea of the New Revolution as any of the homeless street rats Misha hung out with. But he was scared. He didn’t want to leave the place he’d created for himself with Sheppard. Even if it was exhausting and painful – he didn’t want to be on the street again. The months after his mother’s death had taught him that anything was better than a life on the street. So he became friends with Misha and Robbie and the others, but he kept a safe distance. He was still successful, even if he longed to be down there with them. _

_ When Misha came to Sheppard with the idea for Fabulously Spectacular, it was actually Jensen that convinced him it could be a good thing. He knew the Castro was failing. Despite the number of patrons it brought in, the expensive upkeep of the place was burning a hole in Sheppard’s wallet. He could barely afford to pay the bills, let alone keep his employees well paid. A successful play like this one could rake in a lot of money, plus bring a whole new life to the Castro that it had been missing for a very long time. _

_ And it was only a few months later that I came into the picture, and we ended up like this. _

*** 

By the time Jensen finished his story, he was yawning every few seconds. Jared smiled a little, tucking his own hair back behind his ear.

“You should go now,” Jensen said softly, leaning his head on Jared’s chest.

“I feel like I just arrived.”

“Mm, but the sun’s up. Sheppard’s gonna be up here in a few hours if I’m not down for practice. And I know you have to write still.”

“When can I see you again?”

Jensen stood slowly, stretching his aching back. “We’ll see each other at rehearsal – I’m sure Sheppard will call you boys for a meeting sometime today.”

Jared rose and turned Jensen, pulling him tight to his body. “I meant alone,” He said with a chuckle.

Jensen smiled as well, wrapping his arms around Jared’s shoulders. “I know what you meant. How about tonight? We won’t be able to stay up this late – a man needs his rest – but we can have a quiet dinner, maybe. Talk a bit more.”

“That sounds great.”

“Jared, you know you can’t tell anyone about us,” Jensen warned. “The Governor – he thinks I’m a whore for his benefit only.”

“I know. But, Misha –“

“Tell Misha if you have to but  _ force _ him to keep it quiet. I care for you but we  _ have _ to be careful. The Governor is our only hope.  _ My _ only hope.”

Jared nodded. “I will. I’ll see you soon, Jensen.”

Jensen leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Jared’s mouth. “Go now, before someone sees us.”

Jared smiled and kissed him once more before backing up, climbing carefully down the fire escape and hurrying the short distance to his own apartment building.

Jensen watched him go, a soft smile on his lips.


	5. The Contract

Sheppard paced back and forth in his small office, wishing desperately that he still smoked.  _ Anything _ to take his mind off the business at hand. It had been close the night before – Misha and that new author had really saved the day.

But now it was business. The Governor was coming by at promptly ten that morning to discuss the terms of the deal that would give Sheppard the funds to renovate the Castro back into the theatre that it was meant to be. The bills glared up at him, silently mocking him whenever he faced the hardwood desk. Without this funding, the Castro would be lost and all of his employees – his  _ family _ by this point – would be out on the street again.

What Sheppard did wasn’t strictly legal, but no one really cared to report him. Even if they had, the majority of the police force had visited the Castro at least once, and a good number of officers were regular customers. No one could resist the appeal of Jensen and the others.

Jensen – the one shining spot in his otherwise miserable existence. Sheppard loved Jensen like a son. He’d dragged the boy in off the street and fixed him – and in turn the boy had begun to help, do much more than his share. He’d never wanted Jensen to become one of his escorts, but he couldn’t deny that he’d begun making so much more money after the premiere of the Shining Emerald.

And now with the Governor hanging around, the guilt was eating Sheppard alive. He knew the Governor fancied Jensen, and had hoped that one night of pleasure would be enough. But when Misha and the group burst in – what if he wanted more? It wasn’t like Sheppard could say no, not really. Not without risking everyone.

*** 

The clock in the office had barely chimed ten when the door to Sheppard’s office swung open. Jeffrey stood there, his bodyguard looming behind him. “Good morning, Mr. Sheppard.”

“Good morning, Mr. Morgan. Do you care for a drink?” He offered, opening the liquor cabinet near his desk.

“No, thank you. Straight to business today.”

“Of course, please, take a seat.” Sheppard sat on his side of the desk while Jeffrey took the other, across from him.

“Now, I’ve taken the liberty of calculating some approximate costs of renovating the theatre,” Sheppard began, passing the papers over to Jeffrey.

He took them and looked over them, nodding to himself or grunting. “This is quite a sum of money, Sheppard.”

“I know. It is quite expensive. But a lot of work needs to be put into the theatre to make it a comfortable and workable space for the actors and the audience.”

“Very well. I have also had my lawyer draft up a few documents – a contract if you will.” Jeffrey snapped and the bodyguard rose, tossing a folder in front of Sheppard.

He jumped a little, trying to smile at the strange blonde man. “Don’t say much, do you?”

“No,” the man said before turning and sitting back down near the door. Jeffrey snorted.

“Don’t mind Mark. He’s not a man of many words but he does his job.”

“Two Marks – could get confusing,” Sheppard tried to joke. When it fell flat, he opened the file and pulled out the contract, beginning to read over it.

“Of course, I am open to changing some of the terms – upon discussion,” Jeffrey said, fixing his jacket. “But there is one key point that I will not change and I would like to make  _ very _ clear to you.”

“Which is?” Sheppard asked, looking up at Jeffrey.

“I have a clause in the contract that binds Jensen to me exclusively. No more prostituting, no more anything. He will be mine. And of course, due to the… Nature of your type of people, I want some form of security. The deed to the Castro.”

Sheppard dropped the contract. “Governor, you can’t be serious.”

“I am very serious. I know that Jensen is a beautiful man and I am well aware that he is your primary money-maker, as it were. But Jensen will be mine. And mine alone. I’m not a jealous man, Sheppard. But I don’t like other people touching my things!” He spat, startling Sheppard.

“I—“

“Don’t. This is something I am not going to waver on, Sheppard. Jensen will be mine and you will guarantee that by giving me the deed to your precious theatre. And if I catch wind of anything going on, I will destroy your theatre and everything you hold dear.” His eyes flitted over to Mark in the corner, who opened his jacket to reveal a concealed pistol. “Are we clear, Sheppard?”

Sheppard swallowed hard. Jensen was his life. But – The people in the theatre, they were his too. Under his care. Surely, Jensen would understand. For the greater good.

“I understand, Governor. This contract is fine.”

“Great. Bring in a witness, we’ll use Pellegrino as a second, and we’ll get this signed and filed.”

“Sure. O—“ He hesitated, a sick feeling in his stomach. He felt like he was betraying Jensen. “Osric!”

Osric popped his head in. “What’s up?”

“Come here for a moment. The Governor and I need a second witness to watch the signing of the contract.”

“The contract?” Osric asked, but entered the office.

“For the loan we need. To renovate the theatre portion of the Castro.”

“You mean we—We’re doing the play?”

Sheppard nodded, smiling when Osric gave a happy cheer.

He pulled the contract over and signed it and the copy, passing it to Jeffrey to sign. When they were finished, he reached into a drawer and pulled out an envelope.

“Your security,” Sheppard said softly. Jeffrey slipped it into the folder with his copy of the contract.

“Excellent. Here is the first check – call me if you need more. And keep the receipts.” He wrote out a check and passed it over to Sheppard. “I would like dinner with Jensen tonight, if that’s possible.”

“Of course. I’m going to call the dancers and the producers of the play into a meeting, you’re welcome to join.”

“I would be delighted to. When?”

“I should be able to gather everyone by two this afternoon.”

“We’ll see you then, Sheppard. Good doing business with you.”

Both men rose and shook hands. Jeffrey and Mark walked out, leaving Osric and Sheppard alone in the room. Osric looked concerned, wringing his hands together.

“What is it?”

“That was too easy. What did you have to give up?”

Sheppard looked at the contract on his desk, heaving a sigh. “The Governor seems to have developed a bit of an obsession with Jensen. The stipulation of the contract was that I remove him from escorting… And require him to date Jeffrey.”

Osric gaped. “What? Sheppard – What if Jensen doesn’t  _ want _ to date that creep?”

“That creep is the one reason we’re able to keep running right now, Osric. Jensen knows that. He’ll be willing to do what needs to be done.”

“It’s not fair to him.”

“You don’t think I don’t know that? This deal  _ kills _ me to have to make. But it’s one man versus all of you and our entire lives. Do you want to be on the street again? Because that’s what will happen if the Governor pulls his funding for this play. Jensen knows that. And besides, he’s not dating anyone. Now he only has to sleep with one man, instead of half the city.”

Osric’s shoulders slumped. “It’s not fair. He’s not a piece of meat, Sheppard.”

“I know. And I hate this. But I will do what needs to be done to keep all of you safe. It’s for the greater good. The show must go on.”

*** 

_ And the show did go on. But Jensen didn’t attend dinner with Jeffrey that night, or the next. Instead, he spent them in my or Misha’s apartment, working on the play. _


	6. New Love

Jensen was laying on Misha’s couch, his bare feet kicked up on the back. He was dressed in normal clothes – a pair of tight fitting jeans and one of Jared’s t-shirts – rather than his normal semi-professional attire. It was easier to slip in and out of the Castro when he looked civilian, he realized.

Misha was behind the small counter that marked the kitchen, stirring a pot of stew on the stove as they watched Jared act out a recently written scene of the play.

“ _ You betrayed me!” _ Jared cried, mimicking Sheppard as best he could. “And then, the evil Duke, jealous and cruel, forces the courtesan to make the musician believe he doesn’t love him,” Jared continued, flailing his arms out, a notebook gripped in one hand.

“Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with  _ love _ , the musician says, throwing money at the courtesan and leaving forever,” Jared went toward the window, throwing it open and climbing onto the sill, throwing his arms out as if to jump.

“No!” Both Jensen and Misha cried together, laughing when Jared turned back and climbed back into the apartment.

“This is absolute brilliance, Jared. I knew you could do this,” Misha said, coming around the counter and handing Jensen a small bowl of cut fruit. He took it gratefully and popped one into his mouth before speaking.

“But a life without love – no one should have to suffer like that.”

“You’re right,” Jared said, going to Jensen. He sat on the couch and pulled Jensen’s legs onto his lap, leaning over and plucking one of the slices of orange from his fingers with his mouth. He smirked and swallowed it before continuing, “That’s when the musician, with his magical guitar—“

“That’s my part,” Misha cried, motioning to Jared with the spoon he was using to stir.

Jared smirked and pulled Jensen up, setting the bowl of fruit on the coffee table before kissing over his neck. “The magical guitar says—“

“Don’t you dare,” Misha warned, coming around to sit with the two. Together, both Jared and Misha spoke,

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

Jensen smiled softly, looking between the two. Everything was perfect. He had friends, he had Jared – nothing mattered when it was like this. Not the fact that he was an escort, not money or fame or power, not the Castro or Jeffrey – Just life and love. Love for the first time in his existence. There was no way it could have gotten better.


	7. First Time for Everything

_ And it continued like that through the weeks. Jensen avoided Jeffrey whenever he could, only paying attention to him at rehearsal before coming up with some excuse why he couldn’t go to dinner with him. If it wasn’t dancing at the club, it usually had to do with another scene to rehearse or music to work on, and of course, Misha, Richard, and Rob were always there to agree, backing up Jensen’s story. They knew the truth, but they didn’t mind – finding love was so magical and important to me and to Jensen, and even a blind person could see what we had was true. _

_ Tonight’s excuse was another lie about a scene I had written. I had written a scene – that part was true. But Jensen definitely wasn’t working on memorizing the part. Instead, he was nestled against my chest in bed, listening to me talk about my high school memories. _

*** 

“So you let him bully you?”

“It was easier than risking the whole school learning I was gay. Just not something I wanted to deal with.”

Jensen nodded, stroking his hand over Jared’s chest, covered with a threadbare v-neck t-shirt. “I understand. I’m glad you’re able to be yourself here.”

Jared looked down, smiling softly at Jensen. “Well, we are still hiding something. But it’s for a good reason.”

Jensen tilted his head up, allowing their mouths to brush together softly. He smirked against Jared’s mouth, deepening the kiss before flipping Jared onto his back and straddling his hips. Jared gasped, sliding his hands under Jensen’s shirt to graze over the soft skin of his back.

Jensen pulled back and leaned up, stripping his shirt off. He looked down at Jared. “I don’t want to sound crass… But we’ve been dating for weeks now, Jared, and not gone further than making out and grinding in bed like horny teenagers. Do you think… You might be ready for more?”

“You’re asking about sex,” Jared clarified, looking anywhere but at Jensen when he realized. Jensen grabbed his face, forcing him to look directly at him.

“You ask like it’s some horrible thing. I’m not going to force you, Jared – but if you’re shy about it because you’re a virgin, I’ve told you that you don’t have to be.”

Jared pushed Jensen’s hands off his face and sat up, wiggling out from under him. He stood and wandered to the refrigerator in the corner of the room, withdrawing a bottle of water. He could feel Jensen staring at him, so he wandered over to the window and leaned on the sill, watching the cars on the street below.

“Jared, I didn’t mean to make you mad,” Jensen said softly.

“I’m not mad.”

“But you’re not even looking at me. I just – this is a whole new area for me. I don’t know what’s supposed to be acceptable in a relationship that’s based on more than how much sex I can offer.” The bed creaked as Jensen rose from it, closing the gap between them and wrapping his arms around Jared’s middle.

Jared’s shoulders relaxed a little. He set his hand over Jensen’s and squeezed. “I know. And I know you don’t mean to push. I also know that you don’t care I’m a virgin, but I do. I want our first time together to be special though, you know? I don’t wanna screw it up cause I’m nervous or do something wrong.”

Jensen moved around Jared, sliding between him and the window. He wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck, looking up at him with a soft smile. “You could never do anything wrong, Jared. The thought of finally having you in that way… It’s definitely gotten me through a few private moments.”

Jared blushed at Jensen’s implication, moving to step back, but Jensen held tight. “Hey. I mean it. I don’t care if we last five minutes or five hours, as long as it’s with you… I’ll be happy.”

“I just wanna make it good for you.”

Jensen’s smile grew. He slid his hands down Jared’s arms and wrapped them around his hips, lightly squeezing Jared’s ass. “Well you won’t know if it’ll be good for me if you never try it, will you?”

Jared clenched his jaw, the muscle twitching in his cheek. “Jen..” He hissed, his eyes slipping shut. Jensen continued, pressing his body tight to Jared’s. He moved one hand between them, cupping the bulge of his cock and giving a light squeeze.

“You want me, Jared. And I want you,” He whispered, his lips brushing over Jared’s neck. “You don’t have to be afraid of this.”

Jared’s face twisted into a grimace for a moment before he grabbed the back of Jensen’s neck, turning them to press Jensen to the wall. Their lips met in a desperate kiss. Jared grabbed Jensen’s hips, giving into the need he’d been fighting for the past few weeks. He pushed his crotch forward, grinding against Jensen and pulling a groan from his throat. 

Jensen lifted his leg, curling it around Jared’s thighs to keep him close. At the same time he reached down, catching the hem of Jared’s t-shirt and lifting it, forcing them to separate for a moment as he yanked it off. His hands went straight to Jared’s bare chest, squeezing his pecs before Jared dove in for another kiss. 

 

It was a whirlwind after that. Somehow the two found themselves back on the bed, shirts and jeans discarded around the apartment. Jensen was straddling Jared, grinding their hard cocks together through the thin boxers separating them. His hands were fisted in Jared’s hair, their teeth clicking as they fought for dominance in the kiss. 

Jared’s hands were down the back of Jensen’s boxers, kneading his ass as his hips jerked upward. He pulled back and laid flat on the bed, looking up at Jensen with lust blown eyes. 

Jensen smirked down at him. “Where’s your lube?”

"Top drawer of the dresser," Jared panted. He tugged off his boxers and tossed them aside when Jensen rose, lazily stroking his cock. 

"Jesus... I'm really gonna have to work to take that," Jensen admitted when he turned back around, his eyes on Jared's length. 

Jared lifted himself onto his elbows. "I was -- Actually hoping you'd take me. If... I mean we don't have to but I always kinda imagined I'd bottom my first time."

"You want me to take you? Are you sure?" Jensen climbed back onto the bed, kneeling next to Jared. 

He nodded, reaching out and dipping his hand into Jensen's boxers. He grabbed his cock lightly and gave it a stroke. "Yeah... As long as you like that."

"I love it, I just normally don't have guys ask."

Jared smiled and pulled his hand out. He spread his thighs and reached down, rubbing his own hole with the tip of his finger. "Well I'm not most guys... And I've been fantasizing your cock inside me since we met."

Jensen's face broke into a grin. He stripped out of his boxers, his own erection bobbing gently at the motion. Crawling between Jared's legs, he pushed his hand out of the way and ran his thumb over the furled entrance. "You have, huh? That what you jerk off to? Me taking your virginity just like this?"

"No... Normally I just finger myself or use toys. I prefer making myself come untouched. Of course my toys aren't  _ that _ big," he added, glancing at Jensen's cock. "I'm sure you'll have me coming in five minutes." 

"Do you know how damn sexy that is?" Jensen asked, popping open the lube. He poured some on his fingers and warmed it with a quick rubbing before circling Jared's hole. "Just stay nice and relaxed then. Just like when you do this to yourself."

Jared nodded. He spread his legs a little wider and grabbed the backs of his knees, lifting them to his chest. Jensen shoved a pillow under his hips, giving a small grunt of approval at the view. 

"Much better," he murmured before pushing one finger in. 

Jared's hole gave to the insertion with some ease, though he was still tight. He closed his eyes, sighing contentedly as Jensen began to thrust, twisting his finger and pressing to force the inner muscles to unclench. 

"You can go to two right away," Jared whispered. "That's what I start with every night."

"You come every night thinking about me?" Jensen asked, pressing a second finger in as requested. 

Jared grunted, his hips jerking toward Jensen's hand. "Sometimes more often - God - I don't think you realize how much I've thought about this."

Jensen leaned forward, kissing Jared lightly as he worked him open. "Probably just as much as I have. I can't count the number of times I've gotten so hard just picturing you screaming for me while you come. Are you a screamer, Jared?"

Jared's throat clicked as he swallowed. He opened his eyes, gasping when Jensen's fingers bumped his prostate. "Not usually, but I bet you can fix that tonight," he panted.

"Jesus, Jared," Jensen mumbled, lowering his head to Jared's shoulder. "For a virgin, you've got a dirty fucking mouth."

Jared nuzzled against Jensen's cheek, beginning to pump his hips down onto his fingers. "I just know what I want, Jen... And I've never wanted anything more than to get split open on your thick cock, begging for you to fuck me harder while I come all over myself."

Jensen moaned helplessly, his cock jerking hard enough that it bumped Jared's stomach. "Keep talking like that and I won't be able to prep you right."

He chuckled, his chest rumbling. "Better prep me quicker then."

The stretch of Jensen's third finger make Jared cry out, arching his back from the bed. Jensen sat up, pulling his fingers out almost completely before driving in to the final knuckle, over and over.

Jared began to writhe against his hand, reaching down and gripping his own ass, spreading himself open. 

"Please!" He finally cried. 

"Please what?"

"I'm ready, Jensen. Please, get inside me."

Jensen slowed the movements of his fingers a bit. "Where are your condoms?"

"I want you to go in bare," Jared whispered. He opened his eyes and looked down at Jensen when Jensen stopped moving completely. 

"Are you sure? Jared, I'm a hooker."

"And I trust that you'd tell me if you weren't clean. Are you?"

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, Sheppard gets us tested monthly, but - Jay..."

"I trust you. I wanna feel everything, Jensen. In all my fantasies you're coming inside me, filling me up so I always remember who I belong to. Please?"

Biting his lip, Jensen looked down at Jared's ass. The rim was swollen and red, stretched wide around his fingers. 

"Okay," he finally said, withdrawing the digits and pouring more lube on his cock. He added a bit extra to Jared's hole and positioned himself between Jared's thighs. The tip of his cock bumped against Jared's ass as he looked up, their gazes meeting. 

Jared smiled softly, spreading his ass as much as he could. "I'm ready."

Jensen nodded and looked down as he began to slide his tip past the loosened muscle. He looked up when Jared gasped but kept pushing in, watching his face for any sign of discomfort. 

When he'd bottomed out, he leaned over, pressing a kiss to Jared's mouth. "Better than a toy?" He teased. 

Jared slapped Jensen's ass lightly, letting his hands rest there while he got used to the feeling. 

"Way better... I feel so full and warm, God, Jensen I'm not gonna last long," he admitted, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. 

Jensen kissed each side of Jared's face before brushing their lips together. "Neither am I. Your ass is like a damn vice grip - I've never been inside someone so tight before."

Jared smiled, looking away. "You’ve never taken anyone's virginity before... Come on, I'm ready. Move." 

With a nod, Jensen shifted a little and lifted Jared's legs around his hips. 

"Just tell me if it hurts," he worried. He braced his hands on either side of Jared's head before pulling out slowly and pushing back in. 

The slow drag of Jensen's cock against his inner walls was almost enough to make Jared come right there. He hadn't known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't the electric heat, the deep twist in the pit of his stomach that had him arching off the bed, short nails biting into Jensen's back. 

Before Jensen could ask if he was okay, Jared ground his hips down, pressing Jensen as deep as he could. 

"More, please - I need you to take me," he pleaded.

Jensen's lips curved into a half smile. He lowered himself onto his elbows, letting his forehead rest on Jared's shoulder as he picked up a steady pace; driving as deep as he could before pulling halfway out and driving in again. He could feel Jared's hole clenching around him, dragging him back in, the rim catching on the swollen head of his cock whenever he risked pulling out too far. 

Jared couldn't form a coherent thought. His entire body was flushed, desire speeding through his blood. Every time Jensen's cock bumped his prostate he moaned - a rather unmasculine moan, if he'd had to admit it - and his cock would jerk, dribbling more precome between their sweat slicked stomachs. He knew he was leaving welts on Jensen’s ass where he dug his fingers in, urging him forward harder and faster, but couldn’t bring himself to stop.

As it turned out, Jared was a screamer after all. When Jensen’s thrust became erratic, angled perfectly to nudge his prostate each time, Jared fell over the edge, coming hard – untouched – between their stomachs as he screamed Jensen’s name.

Jensen groaned against Jared’s shoulder when Jared came, clenching impossibly tight around him. Once, twice, and he followed Jared over the edge, driving deep one final time. His body went stiff as he came, huffing breathily into Jared’s skin.

Neither man wanted to move when their orgasms had faded. Jared felt boneless, relaxed and content, his fingers tracing nonsense patterns over Jensen’s damp back.

“That was amazing, Jared… You had nothing to be worried about,” Jensen finally whispered, lifting his head.

Jared tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to Jensen’s mouth. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

Jared shrugged. “Being patient with me. The amazing orgasm. Being you.”

Jensen smiled, kissing Jared once more. “My pleasure… We should shower before I go back to my apartment.”

“Do you have to?” Jared whined, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Jensen’s middle. Jensen chuckled.

“I do. Sheppard will murder us if I’m not in my apartment tomorrow morning. Plus if Jeffrey stops by – we can’t risk them finding out about us.”

“I know,” Jared mumbled.

Jensen lifted himself up slowly, pulling out of Jared as carefully as he could manage. He stood and helped Jared stand, leading him to the bathroom.


	8. Picnic

_ As the excuses continued to pile up between Jeffrey and Jensen, we found ourselves more at ease in our secret. Of course, more at ease also meant getting a bit lazier about hiding our secret affair. Forgotten locks, sneaking kisses and touches backstage – it was a risk we were willing to take even though the consequences would be dire. _

_ After Jensen took my virginity, our relationship hit a whole new level of intimacy. I knew sex would bring us closer in some ways, but I certainly didn’t expect the need we had for each other. Being without Jensen for more than a few hours was misery. _

_ One afternoon after rehearsal, I pulled Jensen into his private dressing room, kicking the door shut as Jensen jumped up, wrapping his arms and legs around me. I carried him with ease, pressing his back to one of the pillars in the room as I tasted what I’d been missing for hours. _

*** 

The door opened suddenly and Jared jumped backwards. Jensen managed to land on his feet, grabbing his script as Jeffrey entered, looking between the two for a moment. He held up a picnic basket.

“I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me on a picnic, Jensen.”

Jensen laughed, a little out of breath and struggling to hide his erection from Jeffrey. “I would, Jeff – but I have so much work to get done with the script and lines.” He held up the script for emphasis.

Jeffrey scowled a little, eyeing Jared as he approached Jensen and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Well, I don’t see why you two can’t simply work with me around. It’s not like you’ll be spoiling anything – I’ve seen the entire play at this point. Provided your writer is able to carry more than a notebook, he’s welcome to join us.”

Jared’s eyes narrowed at the clear distaste in Jeffrey’s voice when he spoke his vocation. Despite wanting to punch his teeth in, Jared said, 

“That sounds lovely.”

Jensen looked over and Jared shrugged. “It’s a bit stuffy in here anyway, some fresh air would do us good. We’ve been spending so much time in the rehearsal hall or one of the backstage rooms running lines – I think a picnic is a great idea.”

Jeffrey grinned over at Jared. “A clever little storyteller you are,” He mocked. He wrapped his arm around Jensen’s waist, nearly dragging him out of the dressing room.

Jared followed when he was sure he wasn’t going to take a swing at the pompous Governor, gripping his pen hard enough that his hand ached.

*** 

Jeffrey drove them to the Land’s End hiking trail, not bothering to ask either if they minded a hike before the offered picnic. Instead, he began to walk, pointing out various pieces of scenery to Jensen while completely ignoring Jared’s presence.

Regardless of Jeffrey’s attempts, Jensen hung back, walking in pace with Jared. They did work on their lines a bit as they walked – regardless of their relationship they were both quite proud of the play – stopping occasionally to admire the views with Jeffrey.

Jensen grabbed Jared’s wrist, making him fall a little farther behind Jeffrey. “You know, this is technically our first date that isn’t in one of our apartments,” He said softly.

Jared smiled a little. “It is… Too bad we have a third wheel,” He mumbled, glancing at Jeffrey, who was crouched, down, poking at a snake with the end of a stick. Jensen grimaced.

“Don’t hurt him,” He said, letting go of Jared’s wrist when Jeffrey looked up.

“It’s just a snake. What’s it matter?”

Jensen hurried forward and crouched down, carefully picking up the long reptile. He held it carefully so it wouldn’t strike, allowing it to wrap around his arm. “I like snakes. All animals, actually.”

Jeffrey grimaced, watching Jensen play with the snake carefully, allowing it to slither around his arm and hand. “Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

“Snakes aren’t all that bad, actually,” Jared said, stepping a little closer. He circled around Jensen, standing next to Jeffrey. “But they are creepy – I’ll agree with the Governor here.”

Jeffrey smirked over at Jared while Jensen glared playfully at the two of them. “You’re both wimps,” He commented, crouching down to let the snake slither off his arm and into the grass at the side of the path. He rose and hooked one arm in Jeffrey’s elbow, the other in Jared’s. He turned them the correct direction again.

“Come on, I’m starving. How much further is it?”

Jeffrey seemed to stand a few inches taller when Jensen touched him. “Just a half mile or so.”

“Then let’s go.” Jensen let go of both their arms. He crouched down, undoing the laces of his shoes.

“What’re you doing?” Jeffrey asked.

“I prefer being barefooted. Shoes kill me,” Jensen admitted. Jared smiled a little – he’d already known that, and took pride in the fact that Jeffrey didn’t.

“You’re going to catch some disease walking on the trail like that,” Jeffrey warned when Jensen rose, now barefooted. He snorted.

“I will not. Come on.” Jensen walked ahead of them, his sneakers dangling in one hand. Jared couldn’t hide the grin that spread on his face as he watched Jensen walk away, carefree and happy: the way he deserved to feel.


	9. Act Two

Rehearsal was in full swing, as it had been almost every day that month. With only a few weeks left before the premiere of the play, everyone was beginning to feel the pressure.

Jensen sat with Jeffrey in the rehearsal hall, watching a scene that he wasn’t in. Off to the side, Jared was arguing with Misha about a specific piece of dialogue.

“I’m telling you, Jared – it should be the other way around. Just read it like that with me and tell me you don’t agree.”

“Misha—“

“Please?” Misha poked Jared’s foot with his cane. “A simple reading won’t hurt.”

Jared smiled despite himself, setting aside the scene he was working on and taking the bit of script Misha had rewritten.

“But he’s got the whole world in his hands – why would he love someone like me?” Jared asked, reading from the page.

“The whole world might be open to him, but he doesn’t need it, you foolish musician. He only wants you.”

“But I—“

“Go. Tell him. Before you lose him forever,” Misha paused then grinned, “See? Doesn’t that

read better?”

Jared glared at his friend and rolled his eyes. “I hate you so much.”

“I love you too. I’ll go tell Robbie about the change.” Misha snagged the paper from Jared and rushed off, leaving him chuckling and shaking his head after him.

Jared looked over, watching Jensen laugh at a bit of dialogue being rehearsed on stage. That familiar stutter in his heart picked back up and he smiled; he was so taken by this man…

“Jensen, I hate to interrupt you,” Jared said, approaching Jensen and crouching between Jeffrey and him.

“Not interrupting. What do you need?”

“Well, I was reworking this, um, Will the Lovers be Meeting in the Musician’s Flat scene and I think I’ve finally got it down. I was wondering if you’d like to work on it with me later tonight?”

Jeffrey looked over at Jared then at Jensen. “You can’t.”

“And why can’t I?” Jensen asked, bristling at Jeffrey’s words.

“Because I had supper made for us. A good one, I know you’ll love it. I asked Sheppard what all of your favorite foods are and everything.”

Jensen bit his lip, knowing he was risking a lot if he turned Jeffrey down once again. He looked over at Jared, his heart swelling at those big kaleidoscope eyes.

Jared blinked then and looked down at his notepad. “It’s not a big deal. We can work on tomorrow after rehearsal.”

“No,” Jensen said quickly, reaching out and touching his shoulder. “That scene is one of the most important scenes in the whole play. Isn’t that the one where the lovers confess their undying love to one another? Forever?”

Jared nodded, a small smile curving his lips. “It is.”

“Then I can’t say no. We’ll work on it tonight until I’m satisfied that it’s perfect.” He turned back around to face the stage.

“But, Jensen –“ Jeffrey tried to argue. Jensen turned on him.

“Don’t you want this play to be perfect? I mean, it is your money going into it.”

“I do, but—“

“Then this scene is important. It needs to be done right or the entire play will fall apart.”

“Jensen! Your part is coming up,” Osric called from the stage. Jensen looked to him and waved before turning back to Jeffrey.

“I’ll be right back, Jeff. Thank you,” He placed a chaste kiss on Jeffrey’s cheek before rising and jogging off toward the stage.

Jeffrey turned to Jared, opening his mouth to speak, but Jared smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. They need me for this part.” He rose and followed Jensen to the stage, barely hiding the grin that spread across his face.

 

Jeffrey found Sheppard standing on the side of the stage, watching the rehearsal.

“We need to talk.”

“About what?” Sheppard asked, distracted by the scene. “Osric! Try that move again, your feet are slipping,” he called.

“Sheppard,” Jeffrey spat, finally getting his full attention.

“Right, the dinner. It’s all prepared to be delivered in Jensen’s room tonight at eight.”

“Eat it yourself. He’s losing interest in me, Sheppard.”

Sheppard’s eyes narrowed. “That’s impossible. Jensen is crazy about you.”

Jeffrey snorted. He crossed his arms, leaning on the wall of the stage. “Clearly not. Look, I get that acting is important to Jensen. He loves it and I know he wants to be some big name actor, but he never takes a break. If he’s not dancing for the club he’s at it with that damn writer. What’s so important about a stupid lover’s scene anyway?”

“A lover’s scene?”

“Yes, the lovers meeting in the apartment or something like that. The writer asked Jensen to work on it with him tonight and he agreed. Even  _ after _ I explained that I had a nice dinner planned for him. Honestly, Sheppard – keep your dog on his leash. If I don’t see him in that apartment tonight, I’m going to pull funding from the show.”

Sheppard glanced up at the balcony, going a little pale before looking back to Jeffrey.

“No. Please, one more chance. I’ll make sure Jensen takes the night off. One night of rest would do him good anyways.”

Jeffrey nodded, satisfied at Sheppard’s answer. “Fine. I’ll see him at eight sharp. I don’t want to be disappointed, Sheppard.”

“I assure you, you won’t be. Excuse me, I need to go find him – discuss his night off.” Sheppard excused himself, slipping off the stage and hurrying to the balcony steps while Jeffrey continued to watch the rehearsal.

*** 

Jensen laughed quietly, dropping his head onto Jared’s shoulder.

“You need to behave,” He whispered.

“But you make it so  _ difficult _ . You’re too damn sexy,” Jared whined.

Jensen shook his head, still grinning. He took a step back. “You gotta go.”

“Promise me. You’ll be there tonight?”

“I promise,” Jensen said.

“Eight, right?”

“Yes, Jared. Now go or I’ll push you over the railing.”

Jared beamed and pulled Jensen into another kiss. “You’d never. You’d miss me too much.”

“You’re right. Go!”

Jared rushed off, still chuckling.

Jensen turned around, heading toward the stairs.

“You’re out of your mind, Jensen,” Sheppard spat. He stepped out of the shadows, startling Jensen.

“Jesus, Mark. Give a guy a heart attack. I didn’t see you.”

Sheppard stepped up and grabbed Jensen’s biceps, shaking him once for good measure. “Jeffrey has the deed to the Castro, Jenny. He’s spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on you. He’s going to make you into the star you’ve always dreamed of being, and you’re fucking the writer?”

Jensen snorted, trying to pulled out of Sheppard’s grip. “Don’t be crazy, Mark.”

“I saw you two!” Sheppard hissed, his fingers digging into Jensen’s arms until he winced.

“You’re hurting me,” Jensen whispered.

“Not as much as Jeffrey will he finds out. Whatever you and that writer have – it’s over. You’re going to the tower to meet with Jeffrey at eight. As planned.”

“Mark—“

“You will not question me, Jensen. It’s more than your ridiculous infatuation that hangs in the balance. You could ruin everyone that works here. Put them out on the street. Do you want that?”

Jensen looked to the floor, willing back the tears that threatened to burst at Sheppard’s words.

“I understand.”

“You will  _ not _ be late tonight for your dinner.”

“Yes, Mark.”

Sheppard gave him another shake before releasing him, pushing past him and storming down the stairs.

Jensen sucked in a deep breath, feeling the tears begin to fall despite his best attempts to stop them. He couldn’t leave Jared – but he couldn’t risk the lives and homes of every one of his friends either.

As Jensen cried, his chest tightened. He began to cough, trying to catch his breath.

“Jensen?” Osric’s voice echoed up the stairs.

“Up—Here—“ Jensen gasped, leaning on the wall as he tried to breathe.

“Jensen!” Osric rushed up to him, taking his face in his hands. “Talk to me, are you okay?”

“Can’t—“ Jensen’s vision blurred out. The floor rushed up to meet him before he could finish his sentence.


	10. Confession

Sheppard paced back and forth at Jensen’s bedside. He was still unconscious, his breathing shallow. The doctor sighed, standing up and beginning to pack up his belongings.

“Will he be alright?”

“For now.”

“Will he be up by tonight?”

“No. Tomorrow morning if you’re lucky. I’m sorry,” the doctor smiled sadly at Sheppard, turning and leaving.

Sheppard took a seat next to Jensen’s bedside and reached out, taking his hand.

“I’m so sorry I shouted at you, Jenny. I shouldn’t have. You’re so important to me, I—Please be alright,” He whispered to the sleeping man.

When eight rolled around, Genevieve, one of Jensen’s fellow dancers, slipped as quietly as she could into Jensen’s room.

“Mark?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Mr. Morgan is getting impatient. He’s going to leave if Jensen doesn’t show up in a few minutes.”

Sheppard nodded. “Thank you, Gen.”

“How is he?”

“He’ll be alright. Just overworking himself. I’ll take care of Mr. Morgan. Would you watch over him? Call me immediately if he wakes?”

“Of course.”

Sheppard smiled and patted her shoulder before walking out and up the stairs to Jensen’s apartment where the dinner was set up. He knocked before slipping in, smiling weakly at Jeffrey.

“Where is he?”

“I—“

“Sheppard, don’t play me for a fool. Where is Jensen?”

“He’s—I mean, he—“

“I’m leaving.” Jeffrey pushed past Sheppard, headed for the door.

“He’s in confession! In church!” Sheppard cried.

“In church? Come on, Sheppard. Even you can do better than that,” Jeffrey spat.

“No, I’m being completely serious. Before he became an escort, Jensen was a very devout Catholic. I was helping him get ready for dinner and he just broke down in the dressing room. He began to cry, asking me why he deserved someone as perfect as you.”

Jeffrey smirked a little, his stance relaxing.

“I told him that he was beautiful and smart and you were lucky to have him – all things I’m sure you’d say – but he was overcome with this feeling that he was unworthy of you.”

“Unworthy?”

“His… Former life. As an escort. He’s ashamed to even be around you, Sir. Because he knows you’re so much better than him in that way. It’s why he’s been working so hard and avoiding being alone with you, you see? He’s afraid you’re going to see him as nothing more than a whore.”

Jeffrey turned to face Sheppard completely now, crossing his arms. “So he, what? Went to confession?”

“Yes! To beg forgiveness for his past. He wants to be free of it the night that you two finally consummate your love for one another. He thinks of that night – tonight, as it was going to be – almost like a wedding night.”

An eerie smile spread across Jeffrey’s face. “A wedding night, huh? Jensen wants to marry me?”

“Of course! He’s head over heels for you, Sir. You have no idea. But you see, he—You make him feel so special and clean. He doesn’t want to disappoint, and he’s terribly afraid that he will.”

Jeffrey scowled a bit and nodded. “So will he be finished tonight?”

Sheppard chuckled. “Considering he’s been an escort for years with me, and God knows what he’s done before that… I doubt it.”

Jeffrey’s mouth pursed in thought. He walked over to Sheppard, clapping his hands down on his shoulders. “Thank you for telling me the truth, Sheppard. I know it must have been embarrassing for you to admit.”

“On the contrary. I’m quite proud of Jensen. Wanting to make a change in his life like this.”

“Well, either way. I’m going to go home for the night. I’ll see Jensen tomorrow at rehearsal, okay? Let him know I missed him this evening.”

Sheppard nodded. “Of course.”

Jeffrey turned to go. When he reached the door, he opened it a bit then stopped, turning back to Sheppard for a moment. “Oh, and Sheppard? If I find out you’ve been lying to me… I will kill you myself.”

He grinned then. “Goodnight,” He called as he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

*** 

_ Sheppard had managed to avert disaster with Jeffrey, much to everyone’s relief. But no tale, however clever or off the wall, could save the disaster looming over Jensen’s beautiful head. _


	11. He's Sick

Sheppard paced back and forth in front of Jensen’s bed. He was still sleeping, his chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. The doctor was leaned over him, checking blood pressure and other vitals as carefully as he could so as not to disturb him.

Kim was on Jensen’s other side, holding his hand and stroking his arm. Her head was down; it looked like she was praying.

“Please, Doctor. Have the tests come back? What’s been going on with him? I know it’s not just the costumes like he used to say. He’s been so healthy,” Sheppard asked.

The doctor looked up and smiled sadly. “Yes, Mr. Sheppard. I had suspicions, so last time he passed out, I took a small biopsy. I got the test results in today. The news isn’t good.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Kim asked, rising and going to Sheppard, facing the doctor.

He rose and dug in his bag for a thin envelope. He passed it over to Sheppard, who ripped it open and took out the sheet of paper. He looked it over quickly, shaking his head.

“What does this all mean?”

“It means he’s got cancer, Mr. Sheppard. Pancreatic.”

Kim made a small, distressed noise, covering her mouth.

“No, he’s so young and he—“

“It does occur more frequently in older men and women, but he mentioned his mother had cancer. I did some research and hers was pancreatic as well, genetics do play a part. I’m so sorry, Mr. Sheppard, Ms. Rhodes.”

“Chemo. Or surgery or something – there has to be something we can do,” She pleaded, her eyes welling with tears.

The doctor looked down at Jensen’s sleeping form. “No. I mean, we could try – but it’s late stages. There’s a very low chance that it would serve to do anything but make him miserable in his final months.”

“How long does he have?” Sheppard whispered.

The doctor shrugged. “I hate to put a time limit on it. I’d give a normal person six months at the stage he’s at. But Jensen works himself to the bone. He’s underweight already and beginning to show signs of jaundice. If he doesn’t slow down he’ll die in a much shorter time frame. His body can’t take the work he does.”

Sheppard’s chin shook. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to remain calm. He couldn’t afford to break down. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“I can stay until he wakes and discuss this with him, let him make his decision, if you’d like.”

“No.” Sheppard shook his head, ignoring Kim’s wide eyed look. He looked over at her and squeezed her shoulder before looking back at the doctor.

“We’ll tell him ourselves. If he has any questions, we’ll have him call you. He won’t take this news well, will need some time to process it.”

“Of course. Here,” The doctor pulled a bottle of pills out of his bag and passed them to Kim. “These are for the pain. Call if you need anything else.”

“Of course, thank you Doctor,” Sheppard said softly. He watched the doctor walk out before turning to Kim and setting his hands on her shoulders.

“He’s going to be heartbroken,” She whispered.

“I know. Which is why we can’t tell him.”

“What? Mark, this isn’t the flu – he can’t just fight through this. He’s  _ dying _ .”

“I know that, Kim. But if he finds out, he’ll spend his final months depressed, angry at the world – hating life. You know how Jensen is. You know much he wants to become a star; how  _ happy _ this play has made him. We can’t let him find out.”

Kim looked over at Jensen’s sleeping form, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I can’t believe it… He’s got such a bright future, I—“

“I know.” Sheppard brushed away her tear and turned her head towards him again. “But he cannot know. The show must go on.”


	12. Come What May

_ All night I stayed up, waiting for Jensen. It passed eight, nine, midnight – and still he didn’t come. I had always prided myself on being a level-headed man, but I was beginning to feel a stab of jealousy. Had he chosen Jeffrey? And why wouldn’t he – Jeffrey could offer him everything – anything he could want in this life. Why would a man as beautiful and talented as Jensen choose someone like me? A poor, pathetic writer with barely a penny to his name and roof over his head. The knowledge made me sick. So I did what I do best. I wrote. I poured my heart into the play, my one happy refuge. In the play, we would end up happy, even if we couldn’t in real life. I was still typing when the knock sounded on my door. _

*** 

“It’s open,” Jared called without looking up from his computer. He assumed it was Misha or possibly Rich – he’d been eager to work on the music a bit more. When the door opened but no one entered, Jared glanced up.

Jensen was standing in the doorway. He looked pale and tired, dark circles under his glazed eyes. Jared saved his document and rose slowly, approaching Jensen.

“Late night?”

“Oh, Jared—“ Jensen fell into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come. I was sick.”

“Sick? Jensen, you’re as healthy as a horse,” Jared said softly, but stroked his fingers through Jensen’s hair. He pushed the door shut and led him to the bed.

“I mean it. I wanted to come – I was going to, I just—I passed out again, I didn’t wake up until a few minutes ago. I rushed right over here as soon as I did.”

Jared nodded, running his thumb over Jensen’s cheek. “You need more sun, those terrible lights in the theatre are making you jaundiced,” He teased, thumbing Jensen’s nose.

Jensen smiled, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on Jared’s mouth.

“Did you write anything good while you waited? I know you probably didn’t sleep.”

“I didn’t. I wrote a bit, here, I’ll read it to you.” He rose and kissed Jensen’s head before sitting back down at the computer and scrolling through his notes.

He began to read, glancing back at Jensen for a reaction every little bit.

Jensen was stretched out on the bed, his head propped up by the pillows. He looked exhausted, but was listening intently, a small smile on his full lips.

“I—“ Jared turned back to the computer, chuckling a little.

“What? I like it,” Jensen said softly, crawling toward the end of the bed.

“I know. You’re just… Really handsome sometimes. All the time, but—Sometimes it hits me  _ just _ how amazing you are. How you’re worth so much more than someone like me.”

“What are you talking about, Jared?” Jensen asked. There was a hint of concern lacing his tone.

“I just—“ Jared sighed heavily. He looked over at Jensen, his expression grim.

“Where were you last night? Really.”

Jensen frowned, sitting back on the bed. “I told you. I was sick. You can ask Kim. Or Osric.”

Jared rose, sitting next to him on the bed. He reached out and touched Jensen’s hand, smiling softly.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Jen. I understand.”

Jensen turned away from Jared, shying away from his touch. “Jared. We have to end this.”

“What? No we don’t. Jen—“

“Mark knows, Jared. He saw us. Jeffrey will find out soon, and that will  _ ruin _ everything.”

Jared felt his stomach drop like a stone when Jensen rose, wandering to the balcony doorway. “On opening night, I have to sleep with Jeff – there’s no way around it. And I know you. You can’t handle it. The jealousy will make you crazy and you’ll do something we’ll both regret.”

“I won’t,” Jared cried, rising. He went to Jensen and grabbed his shoulders, turning him. Jensen smiled sadly, reaching up and stroking Jared’s cheek.

“Jared—“

“No. I won’t be jealous. I’ll… I’ll write a song,” he said. “I’ll write a song and we’ll put in the play, a secret just between us. Whenever things get bad or we get scared or jealous, all we have to do is think of the song and we’ll know that what we have is real and it’ll be okay. Please, Jensen—I can’t lose you.”

Jensen pulled away from Jared, opening the doors and stepping onto the balcony.

“Life doesn’t work like a play, Jared. This has to end.”

Jared’s shoulders slumped, his eyes darting back and forth as he struggled to think quickly.

_ “Never knew I could feel like this...” _

Jensen turned back to him slowly, his expression sad.

“Jay—“

Jared shook his head, stepping up to Jensen. He continued to sing,

_ “Like I’ve never seen the sky before. Wanna vanish inside your kiss, every day I love you more and more…” _

“Jared, please.”

“ _ Listen to my heart! Can you hear it sing? Telling me to give you everything… Seasons may change, winter to spring…” _

He stepped up to Jensen and took his hands, pulling him close.

_ “But I love you, until the end of time.” _

Jensen’s eyes welled with tears. He leaned into Jared’s chest, feeling it rumble and vibrate as Jared continued to sing, wrapping his big arms around Jensen’s shoulders.

_ “Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day…” _

Jensen looked up at Jared and nodded. “Okay. We’ll try it.”

“Promise?”

“Only if you promise not to get jealous,” Jensen whispered, his mouth curling into a teasing smile.

“I promise to try my hardest. I’ll start adding the song right now, okay?”

Jensen shook his head, biting his lip. “No. I have something else you should do first.”

Jared cocked his head, his forehead wrinkling a little in confusion.

“And what’s that?”

Jensen smirked, grabbing Jared’s hand. He slid it down to his crotch, his cock hard in his jeans. “Take care of this for me?”

Jared groaned softly, his eyes slipping shut for a second.

“I think I can oblige the star of the show.” He picked Jensen up easily and carried him back into the apartment. Jensen laughed as Jared threw him onto the bed and crawled over him.

“You know I get nothing done when you look at me like that,” Jared muttered. Jensen continued to stare up at him, his tongue visible between his teeth as he grinned.

“Look like what?” He asked, feigning innocence even as his tongue slid further out of his mouth, swiping across his bottom lip.

“ _ That _ ,” Jared growled, leaning down. He kissed him hard, shifting enough to suck Jensen’s bottom lip into his mouth and bite down. He smirked at the whimper it earned him.

“How do you want it?”

“Mm… Will you ride me?”

Jared grinned. “Gladly.” He crawled off Jensen and began to strip, gasping when Jensen’s teeth connected with his bared stomach.

“Well, hey there,” He whispered, looking down. He ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair as he nibbled up Jared’s stomach, pausing to bite his nipple with some force.

Jared grunted, his cock hardening further in the confines of his jeans. “Tease,” He hissed.

“I’d only be a tease if I wasn’t giving you what you wanted,” Jensen said, stripping out of his own clothes.

“You know when you tease me like this I never last as long,” Jared argued, leaning down and biting Jensen’s hip when he shoved his own jeans off.

Jensen swatted his head, laughing a little. “You always make me come – that’s more than long enough.”

“Let’s see if I can do it again,” Jared said. He grabbed the lube and jumped onto the bed, pinning Jensen down with a hard kiss.

Jensen squeaked, wrapping his arms around Jared’s broad shoulders. 

Jared backed up and turned around so his ass was facing Jensen. He poured lube on his fingers and began to stretch himself, groaning and grinding back to make a show of it for Jensen.

“Jesus, baby – Wouldn’t have believed a few months ago you were a shy little virgin,” Jensen teased, sitting up and slapping Jared’s ass. He groaned, grinding back onto his fingers.

“I only act this way for you.”

“I know. I love it,” Jensen whispered. He leaned down, biting Jared’s ass before crawling around him, running his fingers through Jared’s shaggy hair.

Their eyes met for a moment before Jared opened his mouth, tongue sliding out to lick up the silken underside of Jensen’s cock.

“You wanna?” Jensen asked. Jared smirked and nodded, holding his mouth open a little further for Jensen to slide his cock in.

Jared swallowed, gagging a little. Refusing to let it stop him, he began to rock forward onto Jensen’s cock then back onto his fingers, moaning loudly.

Jensen’s head fell backwards, a groan rumbling up from his chest. He buried his fingers in Jared’s hair, giving gentle tugs of encouragement as Jared struggled to take more of his cock into his throat.

When Jared had four fingers stretching himself out, he pulled back, sucking in a much-needed breath of air through his wet, swollen lips. “Lie down.”

Jensen flopped back on the bed, stroking his spit slick cock lazily. “Gonna ride me now, Jay?”

Jared climbed onto his lap and kissed him hard, reaching back to slick Jensen up before settling over him.

He leaned over and nipped Jensen’s earlobe before pushing down, his body clenching hard enough to make Jensen cry out.

Jensen grabbed Jared’s ass, digging his short nails in as Jared began to ride him immediately, whimpering softly in his ear. 

Jensen grunted, bucking his hips up in time with Jared's thrusts. 

"How the fuck do you stay so tight?" He panted. Jared practically giggled, grinding down against Jensen.

"Since you took my v--virginity, I refuse to put anything inside my ass unless I'm getting ready for you."

Jensen huffed against Jared's shoulder, swatting his ass again. "You're perfect."

Jared pulled off Jensen cock, earning a whimper. "Wha--"

"Shh." Jared turned and arched his back, settling over Jensen's cock. He looked back and smirked before reaching down and spreading himself open. His swollen entrance flexed, a little lube dribbling onto Jensen's cock. 

"I know you said you liked watching how I stretch... Now you can see perfect."

Jensen's throat clicked as he swallowed, reaching out and brushing his thumb over the soft, reddened rim. He pressed it in, sighing out a moan when Jared clenched around him. 

"Cock feels better, I'm sure," Jared panted.

"Oh it does. All in good time, Jay."

Jared whined, pushing his ass forward a little more. 

"Please?"

"Begging now?" Jensen joked. He withdrew his thumb and lined his cock up with Jared's hole, nudging against it for a second before Jared lifted himself up.

He began to sink onto Jensen's cock at a teasingly slow pace, allowing Jensen to watch his rim stretch wide, taking in the mushroom shaped tip. He kept his hands on his ass, spreading himself open all the way down, and as he raised himself up, just as slow. Jensen groaned, watching Jared's hole twitch and pull as his cock was slid out. Jared leaned down as soon as he was free, giving Jensen a view of his relaxed, stretched hole.

"Always stretch me out so wide, Jen. Look at how empty I am," Jared panted.

Jensen sat up quickly, shifting just enough to bring his face down. He slipped his pointer fingers into Jared and stretched him wider, driving his tongue in as far as he could reach. 

Jared shouted into the mattress, fisting the sheets as Jensen ate him out. The relaxed rings of muscle twitched and throbbed as Jensen forced him open, ignoring the bitter lube in favor of the subtle taste that was uniquely Jared. 

Jared sobbed brokenly when Jensen stiffened his tongue and began to drive it in, swirling it around Jared's inner walls. He rutted back helplessly, his balls drawing tight to his body. 

"Jensen,  _ please _ ! You're gonna make me come!" 

Jensen pulled back, still holding him open with his fingers. 

"Really? Gonna come just from my mouth? Do it."

"I want you to finish inside me," Jared worried. 

Jensen went forward, letting his teeth graze the shiny skin, pulled taut around Jared's hole. 

"I wouldn't think of coming anywhere else. I promise. Come for me, Jay." 

Jared swallowed hard and nodded, trying to will his body to relax. Jensen admired the situation for a moment; Jared was so pink and perfect; and it was all his. He drove his tongue back in, fucking it into Jared while he bit and sucked at the outer muscle. 

Jared gave in, screaming Jensen's name as he came untouched, spurting onto the sheet between his thighs. 

Jensen pulled back and dragged Jared onto his lap again, ramming deep while Jared was still coming. 

"Ride me, Jared. Come on, start moving," Jensen instructed, lying back. 

Jared sobbed, doing as Jensen asked. His legs shook as he lifted himself up and dropped back down, his cock dribbling weakly every time his prostate was nudged. 

Jensen groaned, admiring Jared's ass. The forced opening had swollen him further, making him even tighter around Jensen's cock. He could feel Jared's channel throbbing, definitely oversensitive, and it dragged him closer to orgasm. He grabbed Jared's hips and began to bring him down faster, chasing his own release. 

Two, three rough thrusts and Jensen fell over the edge. He released Jared's hips as he came, his body shaking and twitching as Jared continued to ride him through his orgasm. 

Jensen grabbed him after a few minutes, his hands shaking. "Stop-- Stop it hurts."

"Sorry," Jared panted. 

"Don't be... Do you have our camera nearby?"

"Mm-- in the top drawer of the nightstand."

Jensen leaned over and snagged it, carefully pushing Jared up just a bit. He snapped a photo of his cock, come dribbling down where he was still inside Jared. "Perfect. Can you pull off?"

"Yeah." Jensen set the camera aside and helped Jared slide off his lap, snuggling down next to him. They shared a lazy kiss before he grabbed the camera again, snapping a few photos of their exhausted, content faces. 

Jared groaned, nuzzling against Jensen’s shoulder. “I should write.”

“Do you have to?”

“Yeah… Gotta add in our song. Can you stay much longer?”

Jensen lifted himself up on his elbow, looking down at Jared. He smiled softly, stroking back Jared’s sweaty bangs.

“Yeah, I can stay tonight. Because I was sick last night, Mark said I could relax. He’s not going to come get me early tomorrow.”

“You can stay?” Jared perked up instantly.

“Yeah. We’ll go to rehearsal together with Misha and the others – tell Mark that I went to Misha’s flat early to practice that new scene with Robbie.”

“You’re perfect,” Jared said, kissing Jensen hard.

He laughed a little. “I’m also a mess… Do you think the talented young writer could spare ten minutes to shower with his lead actor?”

“I think I can spare fifteen.”

They got up from the bed and walked toward the bathroom, laughing like children as their hands roamed over every inch of skin the other could touch, forgetting, at least momentarily, about the cruel world around them.


	13. Slip of the Tongue

_ The world, cruel or kind, didn’t matter. Not when I had a beautiful man like Jensen to love me. We had no problem continuing our trysts right under the nose of Sheppard and Jeffrey. Misha knew, of course, as did Robbie and Rich and Jim – they were proud that we’d found love even when all the odds were against us. _

_ It was five days before the opening of our show. Everyone was rushing around to finish things up. Jeffrey was an ever-present face at rehearsals – an annoying fly that wouldn’t leave my ear no matter how many times I swatted at it. _

_ Jensen was in good spirits at least, though I had begun to notice a weakness about him. He looked so tired now. I assumed it was all the work we’ve done on the play, but he assured me he was alright. And who was I to argue? Lover or not – Jensen was a grown man – he knew his limits better than I ever could. _

***

“Alright, so then the magical guitar falls down and shouts, ‘The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return’. Alright, Misha?”

“Got it!” Misha called from the rafters as Osric strapped him into the safety harness. He balanced for a moment, grimacing.

“Just so you know, Jared – I  _ hate _ heights.”

“You wanted to be the guitar,” Jared responded through a laugh.

Jensen was sitting on the edge of the stage and looked up when Jared laughed, a smile brightening his face instantly. Their eyes met and Jared smiled softly, biting his lip before looking down at the papers in his hand.

“Okay, go Misha.”

 

Jeffrey shifted in his seat, watching the action on stage with rapt attention. He was really enjoying this play, much to his surprise. It was silly – it’s not like a courtesan would  _ ever _ choose a poor man to be his husband – but that’s what made it endearing. A child’s fantasy. And of course, Jensen was stunning on stage. His voice echoed through the rafters as he sang the love songs Jeffrey knew were meant for him. That same voice haunted his dreams, a melody of some sweet fruit he would soon taste.

Jensen had been right when they first met; some things are worth waiting for. He was getting impatient, but he knew it would all be worth it when he took Jensen opening night and saved him from this dirty theatre life. Of course, Jensen wanted to act. Jeffrey had decided a while ago that he would humor him, let him pursue a few films and television shows. But that would have to come to an end relatively quickly. Jensen was young and beautiful – he wasn’t going to waste his life on movie sets and theatre stages when he could be with Jeffrey, travelling the world and getting used to splendor.

Genevieve, one of the dancers that worked alongside Jensen at the club and on stage, slipping into the chair next to Jeffrey. He glanced over at her, but turned back to the stage as Misha took his fall, hanging onto the rope that had been stretched out for him.

“You know they didn’t have many male courtesans back then,” Genevieve complained.

“I know, but it’s not a very realistic play anyway – using a male courtesan allows for some fantasy. Plus, considering the nature of most of the audience that the play will get, it makes sense to appeal to their tastes as well. Jensen is a beautiful specimen for the star.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. I just know I could’ve done a good job up there too. Some of those songs would sound much better with male and female parts, no matter how high Jenny can get his voice.”

Jeffrey smirked a little, glancing over at the dancer. “Well I think you play your part wonderfully, dear.”

She snorted. “I’m a backup dancer. Same as in the club. No one even knows my name.”

Jeffrey ignored her whining, leaning forward a little as the new addition to the play – the lover’s song – started.

Robbie circled around Jensen, glaring at Sheppard before he began with the voices of the other actors,

_ “Come what may, come what may,” _

Jensen jumped in, standing and wrapping her arms around Robbie as they sang together,

_ “Yes, I will love you…” _

The chorus went on with Robbie and Jensen, the song sounding beautiful even in the short time the group had been rehearsing it.

Sheppard stepped to the side, fake crying until he reached the edge of the stage, where he stood next to Jared, speaking quietly.

“This ending is stupid too, you know?” Genevieve continued, testing Jeffrey’s patience.

“Why do you say that?” He muttered, his teeth gritted.

“Well, I mean why would the courtesan ever go for the penniless writer?”

Jeffrey’s head snapped over, his brows furrowing. Genevieve gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth. She dropped it just as quickly, smirking.

“I mean…  _ Musician _ .” She looked back onto the stage, staring pointedly at Jared, before rising and wandering toward the back of the theater.

Jeffrey turned again, his eyes falling on Jared.

On stage, Jared had begun singing along with Robbie’s parts, helping him hit the notes he needed to. His eyes were on Jensen, who was grinning at him as they sang, nothing else mattering in the world.

_ “For I will love you… Until my dying day!” _

The room was silent for a moment when the song ended, everyone catching their breath and gauging their own levels of success.

“I don’t like this ending,” Jeffrey said, his voice booming through the hall.

Everyone turned to him, shocked at his input. Up until now, Jeffrey had been eager to see changes to the play and encouraged the creativity of the writer and actors.

“Why don’t you like the ending, Mr. Morgan?” Sheppard asked, stepping forward to try and calm their investor before something blew up.

Jeffrey rose, approaching the stage as he spoke,

“It’s ridiculous. Why would the courtesan choose some poor musician anyway? The Duke is offering him a lifetime of security. Money, power, fame – it would ridiculous to throw that away when  _ that _ is clearly real love. I mean, it’s clear that once the musician gets bored with the courtesan he’ll just throw him away like garbage and then where will he be? Back at square one with nothing to his name.”

Misha waved his hands, fighting with the harness before stepping forward.

“No, Mr. Morgan – Sir – That’s the whole point of the play. That the musician really  _ is _ in love with the courtesan, regardless of his past. And they don’t care about money. It’s about freedom and love, and –“

“I don’t give a shit about the stupid dogma that you pissants prescribe to! Why shouldn’t the courtesan choose the Duke!” Jeffrey snapped, startling Misha.

“Because he doesn’t love you!” Jared roared, stunning the entire troupe. Jared never raised his voice. He realized what he said, his face reddening.

“H—Him. He doesn’t love the Duke,” He whispered. Everyone was staring – he knew he’d screwed up everything in one sentence.

Jeffrey snorted, glaring over at Jared. “I see. No. It won’t do. You’re going to rewrite the ending  _ now _ . It will end with the courtesan choosing the Duke. And  _ without _ that ridiculous secret song. You’ll rewrite it tonight and rehearse it tomorrow morning. It’ll be ready in time for opening night this week.”

Sheppard shook his head. “That’s impossible, Mr. Morgan. We need  _ time _ . That gives us only five days to learn the new ending and—”

“ _ Make _ it work!” Jeffrey snapped.

Jensen slipped off the stage, knowing he had to do something to make this right before everything blew up.

“Mark! Jeffrey is being treated terribly. He doesn’t like the ending and he has every right not to – he’s the one funding our little production after all.”

He turned to Jeffrey and placed his hands on his shoulders, smiling sweetly.

“You know how writers can be. They let their imaginations run away with them while they’re working on these fantasy stories. Why don’t you and I have some dinner tonight, okay? Let the writer rewrite an ending, and we can discuss if we’d like to keep the old one or the new one afterwards, okay? We’ll let Mark know before we go to bed.”

Jeffrey pursed his lips, searching Jensen’s eyes for any hint of a lie. Satisfied, he smiled and nodded. “I’d be okay with that.”

Jensen beamed and leaned forward, pecking his cheek. “Let me go get changed and I’ll meet you outside, okay? We can take dinner on the roof of the apartment.”

Jeffrey nodded once more, allowing Jensen to climb back onto the stage and disappear before walking out.

Jared hung his head, packing up his belongings after Jeffrey walked out. Robbie stepped up to him and squeezed his shoulder.

“You didn’t mean to slip.”

“I still did. I ruined everything,” He whispered. He shrugged Robbie’s hand off his shoulder and slung his bag over his back before ducking backstage to search for Jensen. 

*** 

Jensen was sitting in his dressing room, taking the makeup off his face when Jared walked in, close to tears. Their eyes met in the mirror as Jared shut the door.

“I don’t want you to sleep with him,” He admitted in a rasping whisper.

Jensen sighed, setting the cloth down and rising. He closed the distance between them and put his hands on Jared’s cheeks, rubbing his thumbs along his cheekbones.

“Jared, he could ruin everything we’ve worked for. This is  _ for _ us.”

Jared shook his head, blinking quickly.

“Stop that,” Jensen scolded lightly, “you promised you wouldn’t get jealous over this.”

“I can’t help it. He’s a monster.”

“It’ll be alright, Jared. This is my  _ job _ .”

Jared shook his head again, a tear slipping down his cheek. Jensen wiped it off.

“Yes, it will. I have to go now, he’s waiting for me. And you don’t want him to find us like this.”

“No, please don’t…”

Jensen sighed sadly. He pulled Jared into a tight hug, nuzzling their cheeks together. He could feel Jared crying as he stroked his fingers through Jared’s shaggy locks.

_ “Come what may..” _ Jensen sang softly. Jared’s body relaxed for a moment before he pulled back, looking at Jensen.

“Come what may,” Jared whispered in a spoken voice. He smiled weakly, his eyes still wet with tears, and leaned forward, brushing his lips against Jensen’s. Before he could find another reason to stay, he turned and left the dressing room. 


	14. Run Away

Jensen slipped into the apartment as quietly as he could. He forced a smile to grace his lips when he found Jeffery already sitting at the small table, a neat dinner laid out.

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting, Jeffrey. Getting dressed took longer than I had imagined.”

“Not at all, Jensen. Sit. We have a lot to discuss.”

Jensen bit his lip and wandered over to the coat rack, slipping his jacket off to reveal a clean pressed black button up shirt. A light blue scarf was wrapped loosely around his pale throat, his jeans crisp and clean. When he toed out of his shoes, Jeffrey scoffed.

“Why must you always remove your shoes like some savage? And why do you never wear socks?”

Jensen shrugged, clasping his hands in front of his stomach. “It’s more comfortable.”

“It makes you look like one of those street urchins you work with.” Jeffrey rose and walked over to Jensen, ignoring the fact that he turned quickly to stare out at the darkened sky.

“I am one of them, Jeffrey.”

“You’re not,” Jeffrey whispered, setting his hands on Jensen’s shoulders. He began to kiss over his neck and up to his ear, taking it between his teeth and biting gently.

“You are so much better. Destined for so much more. If you’ll be honest with me.”

Jensen shut his eyes, biting back the grimace that threatened his features. “About what?” He whispered, shivering. Jeffrey’s lips were hot and chapped, rough on his skin – nothing like Jared’s.

“The writer.”

Jensen scoffed, his stomach doing a little flip at the mention of Jared. “He’s got a silly fascination with me is all. He’s young and thinks everything is about love and romance. I indulge him – he’s talented and we need him. But it means nothing, Jeffrey. I’m yours.”

“I don’t like it, Jensen. He’s  _ obsessed _ .”

“As are you. And half of San Francisco. It’s a part of my charm, Jeffrey. You must understand. We only need him for the remainder of the week. Once the play opens – he’ll be history and we’ll move on with our own lives.”

Jensen steeled himself as he spoke and turned around, wrapping his arms around Jeffrey’s neck and offering a seductive smile.

Jeffrey scowled a little but Jensen smiled wider, running his fingers through Jeffrey’s short hair before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his mouth.

“I promise,” He whispered.

Jeffrey’s shoulders relaxed a little. He nodded and ran his thumb over Jensen’s cheekbone. “Let’s have dinner.”

“In a moment. I’ve been stuck in that stuffy theatre all day; can we sit on the balcony?” Jensen asked.

Jeffrey nodded, swinging his arm out and gesturing to the door. “Anything you’d like.”

Jensen walked out, leaning over the railing and breathing in the night air.

“I will take you from here, Jensen,” Jeffrey murmured into his ear, his arms wrapped possessively around Jensen’s chest. “You’ll no longer be a whore. I’ll make you an actor. I’ll make you famous, just like you always wanted.”

“And… The ending?” Jensen whispered, biting his lip.

Jeffrey sighed, nuzzling against Jensen’s neck. “Let Sheppard and the silly writer keep their fantasy ending. I know you’re mine.”

He continued to kiss and bite down Jensen’s neck and shoulder as Jensen gazed out over the city. His eyes lowered to the street, heart skipping a beat when he saw Jared. His shoulders were hunched, hair hanging in his face as he walked to his apartment building.

_ “Come what may… I will love you, until my dying day…” _ Jensen whispered.

Jared looked up, their eyes meeting in the low light. He grimaced and turned away, rushing toward his apartment complex.

“No—“

“No?” Jeffrey looked up, spotting Jared as he disappeared into the building. “Well, if it isn’t our own penniless musician.”

Jensen pulled out of Jeffrey’s tight grip, heading for the door. “I’m sorry, Jeffrey, I—“

He cried out in surprise when Jeffrey grabbed his wrist, twisting it back until he dropped to his knees.

“Shut up!” Jeffrey yanked him forward, ignoring his cry of pain. “You made me think you loved me.”

“No, I—“

“Shut up!” Jeffrey snarled again, shoving Jensen to the floor.

The side of his head smacked against the concrete, bringing tears to his eyes. He scrambled up, rushing away from Jeffrey as quickly as he could in the small space. Jeffrey put up a chase, grabbing the small table when Jensen darted to the other side. He flipped it, food, plates, and the candles scattering throughout the room.

Jensen cried out, going for the door. Jeffrey grabbed his scarf, twisting it in his fist and slamming Jensen forward. His face smashed off the wood, rocking the door in its frame. A hot gush of blood spilled from his nose, filling his open mouth with the bitter copper taste. Jensen shouted again, bringing his hands up to fight Jeffrey off. The scarf tightened around his throat and Jeffrey dragged him backwards, ignoring his clawing fingers. He threw Jensen onto the bed and crawled over him, pinning him down.

Tears blurred Jensen’s vision, his head and nose throbbing. He continued to fight, grimacing as Jeffrey batted away every attempt he made.

“No, please—“

“You’re a whore. You don’t get to say no,” he snarled. He pinned Jensen’s hands and yanked on the scarf, the delicate fabric tearing easily. Despite Jensen’s pleas, he wound the scarf around his wrists, tying them together tight enough to hurt.

Holding his wrists with one hand, Jeffrey used his other to undo his jeans. Jensen screwed his eyes shut, trying to block out what he knew was coming. It wasn’t anything new – not really. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be happy – he was supposed to be curled up in bed with Jared laughing about the play or sitting on Misha’s couch watching some cheesy movie. Not here. Not tied like a pig for the slaughter.

Suddenly, he heard a clatter and a shout, and Jeffrey’s weight was gone from his hips. Opening his eyes, Jensen gasped. Osric was drawing back, bringing his palm forward into Jeffrey’s face. Jeffrey collapsed, holding his bleeding nose long enough for Osric to grab one of the heavy serving bowls from the floor. He shattered it on Jeffrey’s head, rendering him unconscious.

“Are you alright?”

Jensen closed his eyes again, shaking his head. Osric rushed up to him, undoing the ties on his wrist and using the fabric to wipe the blood from his nose.

“How’d you—“

“I was coming up to say goodnight to you and heard you shout. It took me a second to get in. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”

Jensen smiled through his tears and fell into Osric’s arms, hugging him tightly.

“Come on, let’s get you to Jared’s,” Osric whispered, stroking Jensen’s hair back. He helped him stand and guided him out of the room, glancing back at Jeffrey’s unconscious form worriedly.

*** 

Jared was leaning out his window when his door burst open, startling him. He whipped around, his eyes bulging when he saw Osric and then Jensen, dried blood under his nose and tear tracks on his cheeks.

“What happened?” He asked, rushing up to Jensen.

“Jeffrey,” Osric said softly.

Jensen allowed himself to be pulled into Jared’s arms.

“He did this?”

“I knocked him out. I—I don’t know what happened.”

Jensen looked up at Jared. “I couldn’t go through with it. I saw you walking back to the apartment and I just—Jeffrey saw and he got so mad. I—“

“Shh—It’s okay, Jen,” Jared whispered.

“I love you, Jared. I can’t pretend anymore. I don’t wanna live like this but he  _ knows _ . He saw you and my reaction—“

Jared shook his head. “It’s going to be okay, Jensen. We’re done with this. He went too far. We’ll leave tonight.”

“Leave?” Jensen shook his head. “But the play—“

“Fuck the play. Jensen, he could’ve killed you. I don’t care about the play or about fame or power. I care about you and I won’t let you get hurt again. Will you leave with me?”

Jensen smiled softly, reaching up and stroking Jared’s cheek. “Really?”

“Really. Go on. Pack up what you can and we’ll go. We’ll have Misha bring us to the bus station. Anywhere you want to visit.”

Jensen’s grin grew wider despite the pain in his nose. “I love you, Jared.”

“I love you too,” He looked to Osric. “Go with him. Make sure no one sees you guys, okay?”

Osric nodded. “I got it. We’ll be back soon.”

Jared pressed a deep kiss to Jensen’s mouth before stepping back, allowing Osric to guide him out of the apartment.

As soon as they were gone Jared turned, dragging his duffel bag out of the closet to begin packing.

*** 

Osric stood in the doorway of Jensen’s apartment, watching for anyone that might be coming. When they’d returned, the door was ajar, Jeffrey nowhere to be found.

Jensen was leaning over his bed, packing up a bag as quickly as he could.

“Let me in.” Sheppard’s voice made Jensen look up. Osric looked back at Jensen, grimacing. Jensen nodded.

“Let him in, Osric. It’s okay.”

Sheppard pushed in and rushed up to Jensen, taking his face lightly in his hands. “Oh Jesus. Look at your beautiful face. My dear little squirrel.”

“It doesn’t matter, Mark. You’re wasting your time if you’re going to try and stop me,” Jensen said, pulling his face from Sheppard’s grip and turning back to his bag.

“No—Jensen… You don’t understand.”

“I don’t care. I’m sorry, I’m sorry about abandoning you, but I can’t live like this.”

“I don’t  _ want _ you to, Jensen. I would burn the Castro down if it meant you and the others could be happy. But you don’t know the whole story.”

Jensen stopped packing a moment, glancing over at Sheppard. “What’s the whole story?”

“Mr. Morgan is going to kill Jared.”

Jensen scoffed. “No. It won’t matter.”

“Jenny, you know how powerful he is. And how jealous. Unless you do his ending and sleep with him on opening night—He will have Jared killed.”

Jensen shook his head. He glanced at the door of the apartment. Kim was talking quietly with Osric, glancing up every few seconds toward Sheppard.

“You don’t scare me, Mark. And neither does he. Jared and I are going to leave, and you can’t stop me. My whole life almost all you’ve ever done is make me feel like a whore. Like I’m only worth what people can pay and how loud I can moan. But Jared doesn’t care about that shit. He loves me for  _ me _ . That’s what matters. Thank you for what you’ve done, Mark but I—Goodbye.” He zipped his bag and turned to go.

“You’re dying, Jensen.”

Jensen froze in the center of the messy apartment, Sheppard’s words chilling him to the core. He turned slowly, their gazes locking across the room.

“Another trick?” Jensen asked. His mouth was dry, like he was talking through a mouthful of fabric.

“No, squirrel. The doctor told me. It’s cancer and it’s terminal. Too far gone for surgery or treatment.”

Jensen opened his mouth, closing it just as quickly. He shook his head. “No—“ He whispered.

“You can ask Kim, I wouldn’t lie to you about this, Jenny.”

Jensen turned to Kim, who lowered her head. She stepped past Osric into the room and wrapped her arms around Jensen. He began to breathe hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over.

“I’m so sorry, Jen,” Kim whispered, rubbing his back.

“I—I can’t be dying.”

“I wish it was a trick, Jensen. I do. But it’s the truth,” Sheppard said softly. “You have to send Jared away. It’s the only way you can save him.”

Jensen shook his head. “He’s gonna fight. He—“

“I know. He loves you. Make him believe you don’t love him.”

Jensen’s face pulled into a pained grimace. “What? No, I—“

“It’s the  _ only way _ , Jensen,” Sheppard pleaded. “You’re an amazing actor. Make him believe it. Believe it yourself if you must.”

“No, Mark, please, I can’t.”

Sheppard, set his hand on Jensen’s cheek. “You have to. There’s no other way. The show must go on, the play must continue down the path we already created. We’re creatures of the underworld, Jensen. We can’t afford to love.”

*** 

Jared was adding a few final items of clothing to his duffel bag when the door opened. He turned around, beaming at Jensen. The smile faded quickly when he saw Jensen alone and without a bag.

“Jen, what’s wrong?”

“Jared.”

Jared approached him, setting his hands on Jensen’s shoulders. “Jensen?”

“I—I’m staying with Jeffrey, Jared.”

Jared’s hands dropped from Jensen’s shoulders. He stared at the man in front of him, waiting for the punchline.

Jensen drew in a deep breath and looked up, smiling sympathetically.

“After Osric and I left, Jeffrey was just waking up. Back in my apartment. He apologized and he offered me everything. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of. More than you could ever give me. And I’m sorry, I—I took him up on it. He had one condition, and that was that I never see you again.”

Jared’s eyes welled with tears, a bitter burning in the back of his throat. He shook his head.

“No. Look what he did to you! Think about what we promised each other.”

“Dreams, Jared! This is reality, not one of your stupid stories,” Jensen snapped, surprised to see Jared wince at his tone.

“No,” Jared whispered again.

“You just don’t get it,” Jensen said. He turned away from Jared as he spoke, forcing himself to sound honest. “This is my home, Jared. You’re barely an adult. You can go anywhere you want. All I have is this. I can’t just up and leave like you can. The Castro is my home and I won’t go anywhere.”

Jared grabbed Jensen’s shoulders and turned him. “You’re lying. There’s something else wrong, something you aren’t telling me. Please, tell me, Jensen. I can handle it, we can get through it together.”

“There’s nothing else, Jared. This is just reality.”

Jared shook his head, giving Jensen a rough shake. “Don’t do this, you’re lying! I know you love me. Tell me the truth!”

Jensen’s face twisted into a sneer. He shoved Jared back from him and stood as tall as he could manage.

“The truth, Jared? I  _ am  _ the French courtesan and  _ you _ are the penniless musician and I  _ choose _ the Duke. That’s how the story really ends.”

He turned on his heel, walking out of the apartment and slamming the door after him.


	15. Jealousy Will Drive You Mad

_ Five days. Five days until the show opened at the Castro and I’d lost everything. Misha came to my apartment early the morning after Jensen left me to issue me an official restraining order; I was no longer allowed in the Castro, or near Jensen. I would remain on the payroll, and still be allowed to edit the script, but all my work would be transferred between myself and Sheppard via Misha or Robbie. _

_ That wasn’t the worst part though. I didn’t care about the play or the money or even the theatre. The worst part was being there. Being so close to Jensen, to everything we shared – and not being able to see him. His curtains remained closed at all times now, even my attempts of watching the doors when the rehearsals let out brought me nothing but more tears. _

_ Tears, pain, shame, guilt – agony didn’t even begin to describe the feelings eating at my heart and guts. _

_ By day three, I had had enough. I needed to see Jensen if it was the last thing I did. So I dressed and I walked to the Castro. _

*** 

“Jared – What are you doing?” Misha asked, blocking Jared from entering the rehearsal hall.

“I need to see Jensen. I know he was lying to me,  _ something _ is wrong and I have to know what.” Misha shook his head. “Jared, you will go to jail if they see you here. You have to go. Please.”

“Misha—Please,” Jared begged.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Jared gritted his teeth and shoved past Misha, only to be stopped by Jeffrey’s bodyguard. He gave Jared a shove, sending him onto his ass.

“I suggest you leave, Padalecki.”

“Let me see Jensen!” Jared shouted, scrambling to his feet and trying once again to push past Pellegrino. Misha stepped out of the way, searching for someone to help him separate the two before it got more violent.

Pellegrino swung at Jared, his fist connecting with Jared’s cheek. Jared stumbled back, blood coming from his lip.

“I just want to talk to him,” He said, gritting his teeth. They were stained with blood, giving him a wild look. He went for Pellegrino again, using his height to his advantage. He lowered himself, barreling his shoulder into Pellegrino’s chest.

The blonde caught him, stumbling into the closed doors of the hall before shoving him backwards. He kicked out, boot landing squarely on Jared’s stomach and sending him against the opposite wall.

Jared moaned weakly, spitting out a mouthful of blood.

“Jared, please. Just go home,” Misha pleaded from a few feet away. Jared ignored him, approaching Pellegrino once again. He stopped short when the barrel of a pistol was pointed at his face.

“Back up,” Pellegrino said simply. Jared raised his hands, backing up against the opposite wall as Pellegrino closed in on him.

“Please,” he whispered, “I just wanna talk to Jensen.”

“Jensen doesn’t want to talk to you, Padalecki. Go home.”

Behind Pellegrino the theatre doors opened and Robbie rushed out, his eyes widening at the scene.

“Jared, what are you doing?” He asked, circling around Pellegrino. “Put that down.”

“Get him out of here then. I won’t have him distressing Jensen. Not this close to opening night.”

Misha and Robbie grabbed Jared’s arms, dragging him toward the exit.

“Let me go!” Jared screamed, fighting against his friends even as they shoved him outside.

Misha set a hand on Robbie’s chest. “I got him, go finish rehearsal.”

“Are you sure?”

“If he gets snappy I’ll just smack him. He’s okay. Just a little sad. Go on.”

“What do I tell Jensen?”

Misha glanced back at Jared. “Don’t say anything.”

He turned set his hand on Jared’s back. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“I need to see Jensen.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

Jared shoved Misha’s arm off him but followed him across the street and up to his apartment, still spitting blood out of his mouth every few steps.

***

Once in the apartment, Misha helped Jared crawl into his bed. A black eye was already forming where Pellegrino had punched him, and his lip was swelling a bit. Misha dug in the freezer, pulling out a package of frozen vegetables and wrapping it in a cloth before sitting on the bed next to Jared.

“Here.”

“I don’t need it.”

“Yes, you do, you look like shit.”

Jared snorted, taking the makeshift icepack. He set it against his face with a hiss.

“I feel like shit,” He finally mumbled.

“I understand. But Jared, things aren’t always what they seem.”

“Things are  _ exactly _ the way they seem right now, Misha.”

Misha sighed softly, pulling the blanket over Jared’s waist and helping fluff his pillows. He pushed Jared back and brushed his hair from his forehead.

“Jared… I know you don’t see me as much. I—I’m trash. I wander with prostitutes and homeless people, befriend pimps and God knows what else. I’ve got a funny name and my best trait is making people laugh – But I know about art, and I know about love, Jared. I’ve never been in love but I  _ love _ it. With every ounce of my soul, I love the concept of love. I know Jensen loves you. I know it.”

Jared grimaced, closing his eyes. He shook his head. “Go away, Misha.”

“Jared, please.”

“Go. Away.”

Misha sighed, rising and leaning on the wall, still making no attempts to leave the apartment.

Jared turned on him. “I said  _ go away _ !” He screamed, throwing the ice pack. It missed Misha, skittering across the floor.

“Alright, Jared. I’ll go. But I’m still your friend. I’m still here for you,” Misha whispered before turning and walking out, leaving Jared alone in his agony.

***

_ I wanted to ignore what Misha had said. He had to be wrong. Jensen wouldn’t even see me to explain – he couldn’t love me. I was a fool for believing it in the first place. But Misha’s words, the passion behind his words—I couldn’t block that out. What if he was right? What if Jensen did still love me, if I was right and there was more to the picture? I couldn’t let the thought go. I couldn’t let Jensen walk out of my life if there was a chance that I could save him. _

_ I knew it was stupid and bold. Pellegrino was dangerous, the restraining order was still being held over my head, and there was a chance that Jensen truly wanted nothing more to do with me, but I had to find out. _

_ Opening night was my last chance. I had to return to the Castro one final time. _


	16. Let Me Pay

The Castro was packed when Jared slipped in through the back door, silently thanking Misha for teaching him to pick locks a few weeks prior. He could hear the music from the play, already halfway complete, echoing through the quiet back room that he entered. Moving slow and steady, Jared crept out of the room and down the hall, searching for any sign of Jensen. He  _ should _ have been wrapping his time on stage, heading to the dressing room in just a few moments. Maybe if Jared could head him off—

Pellegrino came around the corner, spotting Jared. Their eyes met for a moment before Jared ducked around the corner, slipping behind some boxes and using them for cover. He could hear Pellegrino rushing toward him, searching for any sign of him.

Jared ducked around the front of the boxes just as Pellegrino moved behind them, taking the advantage and rushing out the door and down a small door on the floor. He knew, from blueprints of the theatre he’d seen, that this basement maze of tunnels was for the stagehands, an easy way to slip on and off stage and back to their dressing rooms without the audience spotting them. He worked his way through the cramped tunnels, peeking up through holes above him to gauge his surroundings every few minutes. Jensen was still singing on stage, the elegant notes of the song punctuating the otherwise silent path Jared was cutting through the theatre on his way to what he hoped was Jensen’s room.

Jared peeked up through one more hole, spotting the door to Jensen’s dressing room not too far off. He ducked down when he heard Misha’s voice approaching from behind the curtain.

“Jensen still loves him. You can  _ see _ it. I mean, he’s not been the same since they broke up. There’s gotta be another reason he called it quits.”

It was Robbie that responded, “Well, there’s the fact that one is a rich governor and the other—“

Jared jumped when Robbie landed next to him, having fallen into another sleeping state and slipped down the small hole in the floor.

Above them, Misha continued to speak, “So you agree something is wrong, right? But what is it? What could make Jensen leave the man of his dreams?”

Jared bit his lip, glancing from the hole to Robbie. Maybe—

Without letting himself think too long, he stripped out of his own coat, grabbing Robbie’s vest and tugging it over his shoulders. It fit tight – almost comically so – but it was enough that he wouldn’t get noticed right away if he was wandering around backstage. Muttering a quiet apology to his unconscious friend, he climbed up through the hole in the floor and headed toward the dressing room.

*** 

Jensen coughed into the tissue, leaning against the wall of his dressing room. He moaned softly, his entire body aching with the strain of dancing he was doing on stage. Kim smiled sadly, reaching up and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Almost there, Jenny. Just this one show and then you’re set.”

Jensen laughed, throwing him into another coughing fit. When he could breathe again, he shook his head.

“Yeah, I’m set alright. Set to die. Jeffrey isn’t gonna want me like this.”

“He loves you in his own way, Jensen. He’ll get you care – better care than we could ever afford. You’ll be back on your feet in no time, just you wait. Until then – here.” She held out her hand, a few small pills in her palm.

“Painkillers?”

“Mm, the ones from the doctor. Should help you make it through the final act okay.”

Jensen took them from her and swallowed them dry, coughing again. “Thank you, Kim. You’ve been an amazing friend – A Mom to me, really.”

Kim tried to smile, her chin quivering. “Don’t you talk like that, Jen.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re already dead. I’m still gonna be a Mom to you, I’ll be crying at your wedding, you wait.”

Jensen chuckled and nodded, standing straighter. The pills were beginning to take effect, slowly numbing the pain radiating through his joints.

“Help me change, okay?”

“Of course.”

They set to work, getting him out of the tight-fitting clothes and into a modest suit, white and black, as requested by Jeffrey. His wedding attire.

When Jensen nodded, Kim slipped out of the room, allowing him to prepare for his big final scene in silence. This was everything. Maybe if he did well – he could get Jeffrey to pay for treatments. Since leaving Jared, he’d done research. There were experimental treatments for his type of cancer overseas, and just maybe—

“Jared!”

Jensen gasped his name when he looked up, spotting Jared standing in his dressing room doorway through the mirror.

“Jensen, please, I had to see you. One more time.”

“You can’t be here,” Jensen hissed, turning around and backing up against the vanity. Jared approached him, his hands upraised.

“Please, Jen—Tell me it didn’t mean anything.”

“I—It meant nothing, Jared, please. Go.” Jensen pushed past Jared, steeling himself against the tears that threatened to fall.

Jared’s eyes narrowed, fury rising in the pit of his stomach like a cruel fire. He turned around and followed Jensen, not caring if he was spotted.

“Then I’ve come to pay my bill.”

Jensen hesitated, the words stinging in the worst of ways. He turned slowly, unable to hide the pain in his features. “What?”

“My bill. I’ve come to settle the debt. All the times we  _ fucked _ . I’m sure it’s a high bill by this point, I don’t know if I can cover it, but I can try.”

Jensen blinked tears back, turning away from Jared.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he spat before walking toward his entrance point again. Jared chased after him, closing the gap quickly and grabbing his arm.

“You made me believe that you loved me. Just like you were supposed to do. You warned me when we first met that it was all an act—So why shouldn’t I pay you?”

“Please—Jared—“

Kim came up to them, trying to pull Jared off Jensen. “He has to get on stage – you have to go, Jared.”

“I just want to pay,” Jared hissed, pushing her back. He gave Jensen a little shake. “All about money, isn’t it?”

Jensen coughed hard, shoving Jared back.

“There’s no point to this, it’s over,  _ please _ go, Jared!”

Jim hurried over to them, trying to console Jared.

“Please, come on – you can talk to him after the show,” He pleaded.

“No!” Jared roared, shoving Jim off him and approaching Jensen again.

Jensen backed up, shaking his head. He looked over Jared’s shoulder and spotted Pellegrino, withdrawing his gun from the holster.

“No!” He cried, his desperate gaze falling on Jared’s wild one. “Go, please!”

“If it wasn’t real, why can’t I pay you? Huh? You did your fucking job, spot on acting.” He grabbed Jensen’s wrists, ignoring his struggle to get free.

Directly in front of them, Sheppard was shouting commands to the actors; it was time for Jensen’s final appearance.

“Let me pay!” Jared cried, ignoring the tears that threatened to fall from the eyes he’d gazed into so many times.

The doors opened slowly, nearly blinding Jared. He continued to fight against Jensen, who slid to the ground weakly.

“Just let me pay. Tell me it wasn’t real, that you never loved me!” He snapped, his voice breaking with unshed tears of his own.

The gasp from the audience was audible, drawing both Jensen and Jared’s gazes outward. Jared glanced over at Sheppard, seeing nothing but pain and fury in the returned gaze. He blinked and turned to the audience, flinging his arm out toward the two with a humorless laugh.

“I’m not fooled and you shouldn’t be either! He’s shaved and put on some ridiculous disguise, but it’s none other than the penniless musician!”

The audience gasped again, a collective applause breaking out at the seemingly clever tactic.

“He’s been driven  _ insane _ with envy! Look at the way he holds our courtesan! Hurts him so cruelly. Exactly as I said he would!”

Jared looked down to where he was gripping Jensen’s wrists, pulling back when he saw the reddened skin from their struggle. He hadn’t meant to hurt him—

Not wanting to ruin the show or make any more of a scene than he realized he’d already made, he fell into character, following the original ending he’d written while in Jensen’s arms.

He grabbed the collar of Jensen’s tux, pulling him toward the steps onto the main stage. Jensen went with him, tears falling down his pale cheeks. He collapsed on the main stage when Jared let him go, looking up at him pleadingly.

Jared shook his head, turning away from Jensen to find Jeffrey in the audience. Their gazes met, pain and cruelty fighting one another silently.

“The boy is yours now,” He spat, digging in his jeans and pulling out a wad of cash. He turned to Jensen and threw it at him, not missing the visible wince when the money hit him in the chest, skittering haphazardly around his kneeling form.

“I’ve paid my whore,” Jared said. The audience gasped. Jared ignored them, meeting Jensen’s eyes.

“I don’t owe you a thing. And you’re nothing to me,” He whispered, biting back tears. “Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with  _ love.” _ He turned and hopped off the stage, walking down the center aisle. He hesitated at Jeffrey’s seat, their eyes meeting again. Jeffrey smirked, shrugging. Jared shook his head, picking up a slow pace toward the exit of the theatre.

On stage, Sheppard motioned to Jared.

“See? I told you he didn’t love you! Look at the way he runs!” He crouched down, wiping Jensen’s tears. “My sweet squirrel, it’s for the best. The show must go on,” He whispered so the audience wouldn’t hear him. Jensen nodded and he stood.

“And now, my bride!” He helped Jensen stand, wiping away the rest of the tears and smiling warmly, “It’s time for us to be married, as we were meant to be!”


	17. The Greatest Thing

A loud crash from above the stage drew everyone’s attention upwards, but the source was hidden by the top curtain.

“Jared! The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return!” Misha’s voice echoed, loud and clear through the theatre. The audience and actors went silent, waiting for a cue as to how to proceed.

Jensen looked over at Jared’s slowly fading form. He smiled weakly, shaking his head. Taking in a haggard breath, he began to sing,

_ “Never knew I could feel like this.” _

Jared hesitated, grimacing. Not that – anything but that. He steeled himself, shrugging off the jacket he’d taken from Robbie and dropping it on the floor before picking up his pace again.

_ “It’s like I’ve never seen the sky before,” _ Jensen continued. Jared stopped once more, staring at the floor. He could feel the eyes of the audience members on him, waiting for him to make his move.

On stage, Jensen’s voice continued, loud but gentle at the same time, just enough to be heard,  _ “Want to vanish inside your kiss. Everyday I’m loving you more and more.” _

Jared turned around, meeting his gaze. Jensen offered a soft smile and continued,

_ “Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?”  _ He walked to the edge of the stage, holding out his hands. He hesitated a moment, dragging in a haggard breath. A barely visible look of pain crossed his face before he finished,

_ “Come back to me and forgive everything! Seasons may change, winter to spring... But I love you until the end of time.” _

Jared smiled wider, approaching the stage slowly as he began to sing as well,

_ “Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day.” _

He climbed up the stairs and they met in the center of the stage, Jensen reaching out to grasp Jared’s hands. They continued to sing together, the rest of the stage, audience, and world fading away. Jared’s heart pounded in his chest, tears of happiness filling his eyes.

_ “Come what may,” _

_ “Come what may,” _

_ “I will love you until my dying day!” _

From above them, Misha shouted, “Jared! He’s got a gun! He’s trying to kill you!”

The audience laughed, assuming it was part of the play as Misha swung into view from one of the rafter ropes. He slammed into Pellegrino, standing just behind the curtain on the side of the stage.

Sheppard’s eyes bulged. He pointed to Jared and Jensen, fearing the worst. “Guards! Arrest them! Get them out of here!” He shouted, praying the distraction would be enough to prevent Pellegrino from getting an eye on Jared.

Misha and Pellegrino fought over the gun out of the view of the audience, sending it skittering across the stage. Pellegrino drew back, headbutting Misha. The action gave him time to push him off and scramble for the gun as Jim rushed out on stage.

“You’ll never take them alive!” He shouted, throwing a small ball against the stage. It cracked open with a pop and a spray of sparks, filling the stage with smoke and obscuring it mostly from view.

Taking advantage of the newfound cover, Sheppard and Jim covered Jensen and Jared, struggling to get them back through the doors they’d emerged from earlier.

Pellegrino snagged his gun, looking out through the smoky view to find Jeffrey.

He’d risen, searching through the haze for Jared and Jensen. When he spotted Pellegrino he motioned toward the center of the stage where they should be. Pellegrino advanced on them, shoving the other actors out of the way as they rushed to Jensen’s aid.

Robbie, having woken a few minutes earlier from his nap, shoved Pellegrino hard and grabbed the gun, punching him squarely in the nose.

“You won’t win this,” He snarled, shoving him backwards into Osric’s arms. Osric smirked, circling around him. He began to attack, taking advantage of the martial arts training he’d taken a few years prior.

On the main stage, Jared and Jensen continued to sing, as loudly as they could to make the audience think this was all a part of the show. Wrapped in each other’s arms, Jensen couldn’t erase the smile from his face if he’d wanted to.

_ “The book of love is long and boring,” _

_ “But I love it when you sing to me,” _

_ “And you can tell everybody this is your song,” _

The smoke began to clear, giving the audience a clearer view of what was happening. It had gotten mostly under control by this point. Jim had a fake crying Sheppard on his knees, keeping him ‘away’ from the lovers. Jared and Jensen stood in front of the door, wrapped together as the rest of the actors still on stage sang with them.

_ “It’s amazing – make my heart sing –“ _

_ “And I will love you,” _

In the audience, Jeffrey rose, fury visible in his dark eyes. He picked up the gun that had been lost in the scuffle, cocking it and raising it directly at Jared.

“The play will end  _ my _ way,” He snarled.

“No, it won’t,” came Osric’s voice. When Jeffrey moved to swing the gun on him he grabbed the man’s arm, bringing it down as he raised his knee. The two connected with a sickening crack from Jeffrey’s arm. When he dropped the gun, Osric shoved him against Misha, who’d slipped down from the stage when he saw the fight. He grinned when Jeffrey turned to face him, drawing his hand back.

“It will always end  _ our _ way,” He said before punching Jeffrey. They both chuckled when he collapsed and climbed back on stage with the rest of the group, joining in with the final lyrics of the song.

_ “Until my dying day.” _

The curtain closed and Jared leaned forward, capturing Jensen’s mouth in a deep kiss. “I knew you still loved me.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” Jensen panted against his lips. He drew back then, drawing in a ragged breath. He grabbed his stomach, face twisting in a grimace.

“Jensen?” Jared worried immediately.

“I’m o—Okay,” Jensen whispered. Sheppard brushed behind them, pushing them forward for a curtain call.

Jensen grimaced, each step feeling like he was wading through concrete. The pounding of his heart was audible in his ears, an unsteady, weak beat. Not now – Not like this— Jensen collapsed, unable to draw in a deep breath.

Jared went down as well, grabbing him close.

“Jensen, what’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

Jensen grimaced, tears filling his eyes.

“I—I hoped I’d have longer,” He whispered through his labored breaths.

“Longer for what? What are you talking about?”

Sheppard shook his head. “Hold the curtain and get the doctor on the phone,” He said hurriedly to Osric and Kim. They both rushed off. Everyone was watching the two on the floor, but Jared’s only focus was on Jensen.

“I’m dying, Jared…”

“No, don’t say that, you’re just tired, you’re—You’ve overworked yourself, please—“ He pleaded.

Jensen shook his head. “I didn’t tell you, I—I’m so sorry, Jared.”

“No, please, I love you, Jensen.”

Jensen tried to laugh, coughing weakly. A tear slipped down his cheek.

“I love you too.”

“You’ll be alright. Jensen, please, you’ve gotta be alright.”

Jensen reached up, stroking Jared’s face. “You have to go on, Jared.”

Jared shook his head, his chin quivering. “No. I can’t go on without you, you’ve gotta stay with me, Jen.”

Jensen leaned up as well as he could, pressing his cool lips against Jared’s mouth. “You have too much to give, Jared. You’ll move on. Tell our story. It’s the greatest love story in the whole world.”

Jared shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. “No, Jensen, please.”

“Promise me, okay?” He grimaced again. “Please, promise.”

Jared sobbed brokenly and nodded. “I promise.”

Jensen smiled. “That way, I’ll always be with you. I love you.”

“Please, Jensen. I love you, I—“

Jensen went limp in Jared’s arms, silencing him. He stared down at the face of the man he loved, silent sobs wracking his body. He pulled Jensen’s cold form close to him, sobbing against his shoulder.

The curtains opened, the audience screaming and whooping; the show was a success—

***

_ And Jensen was a star. His dream had been realized. But it was too late. Days turned to weeks and weeks into months. I didn’t know how to go on. I had lost my purpose. And then one day, a cool, winter’s morning, Misha came to see me. He reminded me of my promise and he pushed my cold laptop into my hands before he left. And I began to write. _

_ I wrote the story of a street boy and a writer. I wrote the story of an eccentric showman and a failing business. I wrote a story about a place, about people, but most importantly—I wrote a story about love. A love that will live forever, longer than anyone in this book. I wrote about the most important lesson a human can learn. I explained that the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. _


End file.
